thinkythink

Remember the Small Steps

Friday afternoon reminder: Remember the steps that seem itty bitty, because they may actually be big.

I've noticed that for a lot of fast and hyper thinkers, we jump over the little steps in our minds, when the little steps are really what is getting us stuck!
If you're a big time hyperthinker, when you're stuck you might start to think about the deeper motivations and reasons behind what you're trying to do and why you're getting stuck. Do I really want to get this job/make this change/find a new house/take this class?  Do I really want to sign up for this thing, if I can't get the registration in the mail? (Remember, this can apply to smaller to-dos as well.)

It's a funny thing to learn as a coach- it seems counter-intuitive- but I've learned from my experience and from some other wise people, that these big questions aren't always the right ones for the runaway thinkers (whether you have inattentive ADHD or you just think a lot.) Sometimes the big questions only serve to disconnect you more from what you're trying to get done.

Here are some questions that often do help:

#1 How are feeling physically, mentally, emotionally today and lately? Is low energy making it hard to take the steps you mean to? Remember: being mentally tired sometimes means you can keep thinking, but can't direct your attention as well.

#2 What are the steps involved? Have you broken down your project? Take the example of registering for a workshop or the like by mail. Where you may be jumping to thinking about your desire to do it, stop and look at the steps, including filling out a form, finding a stamp, finding your checkbook, finding out your bank balance, finding your calendar and checking for conflicts, asking that one last question... making a copy of the form, going to the post office...

#3 If you have defined the steps, which are getting you hung up? Again a tricky truth: regardless of your smarts and motivation and all that, going to the mailbox might be something that gets in your way. The insidious part about it is that you may not believe that this could be the obstacle- it's supposed to be easy, isn't it? (Not to mention how easy it seems to be to start dumping on yourself for having a hard time with this!) But believe me, I've worked with enough of us to know. I've seen people who are wealthy have their utilities shut off because they suck at getting checks in the mail.

#4 If you haven't defined the steps of either a small or large project, what help do you need in doing that? Are you making this harder than it need be?

#5 IF you're having trouble breaking it down, are you missing something fundamental? One thing people forget all the time is that the first phase of a project is often   research or other exploration. Do you have enough information?

#6 Have you actually made the decisions you need to in order to plan or to move on to the next step? Do you need more information- or is there something else you need to do before moving ahead? Is there a step missing, little or big, seemingly stupid or not? You might have the end in mind but you actually need to know the next piece...

Does this ring familiar, and what examples do you have from your life? Please comment!

Quiet is Hard

It's a quiet and beautiful Monday morning. It feels lovely to wake up, eat breakfast, start the day in the quiet. I'm relishing it except... what do I want to do with my day? Half a dozen options float to the top- from chores to business tasks to exercises I need to do. I've noticed that when the brain is moving at high speed, it's hard to distinguish what's a "priority," and everything competes for equal importance with apparently compelling reasons for each to win out.
This morning is quiet. The notions of urgency don't percolate so high in my mind. Perhaps I'm not fully awake, but it feels pretty good. I don't want the meanness of concern to start barking that I have to get this or that done right away, because that will spoil the peace, especially if it's quiet outside, quiet around the house, no one is determining my course of action for me. It feels a funny balancing act, where I'm trying to keep gliding along and right on into action and activity- without waking the dogs of To Do.

Funny that the urgency has become some familiar to so many of us that it's the only edge we know to get us going, the only traction we trust. While on a morning like this there may be something I've forgotten that I need to rush to do, I think for myself and for many of us, that's not the issue- the issue is feeling a loss without the rush, without the need. We're just not used to getting things done another way...

And please don't get me started here on the idea that we're "addicted to adrenaline," because for myself and many people I work with, this is not what we're talking about at all. It's only about finding the thing that points our efforts in a specific direction.

Posted over at www.addcoachesblog.com

I just wanted to give you a heads up that I've been posting on Fridays over at www.addcoachesblog.com,
a fun cooperative blog project with a group of ADD coaches (duh). My post last Friday was about Mediation, and if anyone yells for it, I'll repost it here, if not, check it out over there! Here's a link.

Meditation

People talk a lot about meditation is useful for ADD, and when a group of colleagues recently had an online discussion about it, I thought it was time to say something about it....

And my book recommendation from there:

Moon Over Water: Meditation Made Clear  With Techniques for Beginners and Initiates

Check it out...

Traffic random happy thought

Sometimes I surprise myself and get so happy driving, thinking, we're all actually working together here on the road, and for the most part, we don't smash into each other. I hate how many accidents they are. But how crazy is it that we are able to share a highway at 75 mph at all?

Fear vs Confusion from a runaway mind perspective

Over at Escape From Cubicle Nation, Pam tells us,

I have a lot of conversations with clients that start out like this:

• "I really want to do something different than what I am doing now, but I just don't know what it is"
• "I have two job opportunities, and am totally unsure which one to take!"
• "I know that there are a lot of things wrong about working with this client, but I really don't know what I will do if I stop working with him."
• "I don't feel really happy  in this relationship, but I feel confused about what to do."
• "I really want to start a business, but I don't know if I have what it takes to be successful."

I have a lot of these conversations with clients too- but mine are a little different:

• "I think maybe I want to do something different but I want to do all these three million things and I don't want to pick the wrong one."
• "I am pursuing 10 job leads and I'm not sure which to follow up on so I haven't followed up on any because there are so many to follow up on and do I really want to change jobs?

Wait- you're thinking: that sounds really insecure! Here's the truth:

The inability to make a decision is NOT ALWAYS equivalent to a lack of confidence!

Sometimes it's a lack of Executive Functioning. Your brain's conductor/CEO/executive secretary is on vacation in Micronesia or otherwise unavailable to tell you what to think about.

But wait, what does this have to do with Fear vs Confusion?

It's this: some folks don't know if they're afraid because they don't even know what they're thinking about! The mind has generated so many stories, so many lines of thinking about a given dilemma that it's unclear what the dilemma is. I've had a lot of experience listening to clients' conversations with themselves, and here's what I have to say:

Tip #1: Identify the Ramble.
You can't stop the flood of ideas and reasoning by sheer will. But you can't navigate it unless you step back and realize what kind of thought landscape you're traveling: a flooding river of thought.
Tip #2: The reasons won't help.
The hyperactive thinker can be so ridiculously smart, that weighing the reasons to go one way or another is a trap. You might be great at arguing any point with yourself- but if you're a well-practiced analytical thinker, all it means is that your argumentation is good- not that it gives you an answer. The winner of the debate doesn't always give you the right answer for you!
Tip #3: Identify the Runaround.
Have you reasoned your way into something without even realizing you've done it? Did you forget about your initial impulse and instinct in the meantime? Do you even know why your thinking went down this path?
Tip #4 Identify the Signals- and Don't Sweat It if You Don't! You're looking for the quiet signs of what you're really feeling. What do you fear here? The signals will be quiet, but they are your guide. You might feel them in your muscles or hear them in your voice. If you can't hear them, don't sweat it. Just keep using Tips 1-3. This is where we go back to Pam. She has some pretty good tips for tuning in at her ezine article (which picks up on the blog post I quoted earlier), but I have to say it's hard when your mind is a vortex of thought, so I'll have to address this in a later post.

Unwork with Tools

I recently attending a teleclass with Andrea Lee and Suzanne Falter Barnes on the concept of "unwork." It's all about making things easier. That's what I aim to do with my clients- but it was a really good reminder of one of my key strategies.

I used to (many incarnations ago) work as a theatre technician (lighting, scenery, etc). I had a summer gig repairing lighting equipment and other inventory for the Fine Arts Center at UMASS Amherst. I had to learn everything as I went, but what I kept learning over and over and over again was this: the right tool makes for easy work.

It's kinda funny to think of in these days of the Leatherman, the multitool that seems to serve every purpose, you can even use it as a hammer. You can use it as a hammer. It takes a lot more force and coordination than an actual hammer. I guess that's what I figured out back then, too. When stripping wires to attach them to your lighting instrument, a tool for stripping wires is easier than using (a) a wire cutter, which is easy to cut too far with if you're clumsy like me, or (b) a pliers with that little sharp cutting bit on the inside, which is easy to cut too far with if you're clumsy like me.

To my pleasant surprise, Andrea had a similar example: you don't run down to the basement and find a power tool when you want to hang up a calendar. It's overkill. You can push the thumbtack or picture hook into the plaster with your thumb. Ok, unless you need to hang it on a concrete wall or in a stud. Then your thumb will start to hurt...

She was focusing on the overkill part: how can you do less?  In my life that's meant looking at when I can avoid new software or devices if paper is actually easier- but how I can easily choose new software if it does make it easier. That's one itty bitty example. Andrea focuses on less overkill. I focus on, um, killing the right thing with the right tool?

Are you using a  power drill instead of your thumb?
Or are you using a wrench instead of a pliers?
How about... Microsoft Outlook when a simple mail client would do?
Or, salivating over that uberfancy PocketPC you'll struggle figuring out how to use and update when the cheapest black and white Palm will work better- or even the paper calendar you've used?

On the other hand, fancy tools can radically change some people's lives in some ways:
A GPS in your car ain't overkill when maps aren't enough to get you there.

Bottom line: tools make things easier. If they're making it harder, it's time to get honest, and that's your unwork.

Self-test:
Do you really need that new gadget/software?
Is this more about the novelty of a new system, or the effectiveness of it?
Will it actually make things easier?  Is it a more appropriate tool, or just a fancier one?
Are you using overpowered systems that bog you down?
Are you psyched about a sexy new gadget- that really has too many features for you to wade through? Is there a simpler model that'll serve you better?
What system might be simpler? What might take less work?

Two Years

Somebody asked me this today:
How long does it take before it gets easier- after being diagnosed with ADD?

I hadn't thought about this in a a long time, then I remembered what I had been told. When I was evaluated and diagnosed with ADD, the psychologist told me it would take two years before I even knew who I was. It would take two years to get to know myself.

The first key was learning about ADD. The second key was starting medication for ADD- and I mean specific medication for ADD, in other words stimulants, in this case starting with Ritalin.
I think taking meds for me has been the closest I can imagine to coming to an experience of faith or spirituality. What I mean is this: none of the thinking, doubt, reasoning, or ideas about medication actually say a thing about the experience. And I'm not talking about a drug-induced mind-opening experience. I'm talking about experiencing who I am.

Medication quieted my thinking- enough to do some vital things: I started to notice what I was feeling, and to notice what I was thinking about. It always went so fast that my feelings and thoughts were gone before I knew them. I'd try to grasp them, because I knew I felt certain ways about things, but I only knew that intellectually; intentionally experiencing them was like grasping water. That's not to say I wasn't ever overwhelmed by my feelings; they could also overtake me like a huge wave that completely disoriented me. I wasn't feeling them in that scenario either; I was drowning.

Now I could step back mentally and note my feeling, and note what I was focusing on. I didn't have to grab on so hard to what I thought I was, I could just be. Since then I have come to peace with the fact that I can hold no judgment about meds- right/wrong/good/bad. They just are what allows me to be who I am best.