thinkythink

Baby-related Systems Clean-up

Here are some of the systems changes I've made, or am in the process of making, due to baby (and pre-baby):

• I don't use a Palm or other pda right now. It started to flake out on me while I was preggo, and at that point I realized I wasn't going to be super vigilant in syncing it every/every other day. I bought a cheap week-view paper calendar at CVS. I'm still using it. I keep my client's appointments recorded there and in their files, and now I skip using Outlook with the Palm. I might need to make a spreadsheet to have a digital record at some point
• I switched to Gmail from Outlook. It started because I was using a mac laptop upstairs and away from home, without Outlook on it. Now I want to be able to check my email whenever I have a free few fingers to type, at whichever computer I can reach with said fingers. I use Outlook to download a backup copy of emails now and then but Gmail just works better for me. I may switch to mac entirely in which case I'll find a different email application to do the download with.
• This all means that I'm not using Outlook to keep track of addresses and such so much. I'll have to come up with some solution for that; gmail is so easily searchable that I occassionally keep track of things by sending myself an email with contact info, and I still have the main database in Outlook. My husband is a Spreadsheet Man, so I kind of think there's no point in keeping household contacts anywhere else. Business stuff is another matter though. I use gmail contacts to store stuff like email addresses and occasssionally phone numbers but I just would rather have something outside of cyberspace.
• I've delegated a lot of household paperwork to my husband since I'm med-free and therefore a bit extra handicapped in that department.

That's just a few. I think the challenge to how I worked before helped me throw out some stuff that was just extra work. Not that I've perfected the new ways of doing things. What changes have you made when you had a proverbial arm tied behind your back?

ADD Mom Leaves for Half an Hour

This morning was daddy morning. I have clients at 10:00, but before that, I have time to do my own work. (Before that? You mean I function before 10:00am? I do now, thanks to baby!) I woke up dreaming of going to the nearby coffee shop to write a blog post. The main point here is to have my body in a location away from the baby's.
Mind you, part of me wanted to stay and watch daddy feed baby pears, the pathetic and wonderful of it being that I didn't want to leave the baby for my 45 measly minutes. That mommy-side aside, I wanted some time to myself. So I'm currently sitting with my coffee and laptop, a five-minute drive from the house, counting down the minutes until I have to get back in the car and speed home to have any hope of nursing G. before my next client. Fourteen. Fourteen minutes at the moment (ok, I've already ordered and sat down with a frothy cappucino, opened the laptop, put some headphones on, checked and noted the lack of new e-mail.) And if I pause for a moment, it's long enough to notice that I'm here, on my own! Weeee! Mommy's 45 minutes out!

For those of you who don't have kids, I describe the feeling like this:
you know when you're a teenager in absolute love/lust/obsession, the object of said emotion is constantly in your mind, and always feels like they're with you physically, a monkey you're glad to have on your back? The monkey isn't gone until after you break up, plus a bit of break-up mourning, and finally you've got your own skin back, no one clutching on, checking you for nits,  giving weight to every breath?

That's what it feels like with baby. I only notice my body being my own when I leave for a while. I don't break up, and it's only a few minutes at a time...(now I have 8 minutes). Here's what I have to do to get out of the house for my 45 minutes:

Wake up. Pry myself out of bed even though there's another adult to respond to baby's needs. Nurse the baby. Shower. Tell Daddy he's going to change the baby and get him dressed. Find some clean   clothing that serves to cover my naked body. Ignore the fact that the baby wants some attention. Pump some milk for baby for while I'm gone. Feel like it would be easier just to stay home with all this effort!  Make some breakfast. Make clear that I'm not the one feeding baby pears (convincing myself and reminding my husband). Extricate my wallet and such niceties from the diaper bag and discover where we have another bag that isn't a diaper bag. Feed myself something. Hang out while daddy takes the trash out because baby needs somebody there and I haven't left yet. Figure out how much time I have... that wasn't so bad, and maybe easier than without the baby because then I didn't have so much reason to kick myself out for the precious few minutes. Feel like it's easier just to stay home! Remember I still should nurse the baby before my client appointments; recalculate time. Feel like staying to watch baby eat and chat with husband. Misplace shoes but ignore that because who cares if you have the shoes you want when you have only a few minutes...

Time remaining: 1 minute. I haven't even finished the foam at the bottom of my cappucino cup. I did write this blog post... gotta run,.

Getting back to the workout

I've been writing about exercise, and getting to it.
Now I'm trying to get back to it; baby was sick. Then there was that one workout I missed because my car was being towed. Car was sick. Then, I was sick. I'm nearly better, but not all better.
On Sunday my husband recommended I go to my track workout because I'd feel better read:I'd be nicer. No, he's not that insensitive, but it's true, I'm a better version of myself when I've exercised, usually. But I wasn't all better. I'm still not all better. My eye is still all puffy. Today was all about a sinus headache. Mostly, I'm better though. And it's pretty easy to feel torn.

The longer I wait, the harder it is to go back.
That doesn't mean it makes sense to make myself even sicker by going.

And the complicated self-talk looks like this: "you're just saying it's better to wait because you're trying to talk yourself out of going. Or trying to find a legitimate reason not to go."
Inattentive speedy self-talk is super tricky' the above is not actually true. I want to work out. The real question:

Would it be helpful to exercise now? Or would it be more helpful to rest?

and:

What kind of exercise would be helpful now? Would be possible right now?

when I'm not feeling great:

What will allow me to ease my way in?
How can I bite off as much as I can chew, and then check back in with myself?

Working out alone, this may mean committing to a little piece and then checking in.
In a group setting, it may mean doing part of the workout, or ignoring the assigned workout. I know I'd want to tell our coach that I've had some flu-like bug and I'm starting slow. Not so much for his benefit; but for mine- it not only lets me off the hook, but it sets up the expectation that I won't do too much.

All that said, I'm kind of hoping track practice gets rained out, because then I won't get more behind everyone else, while I can rest, or even take a walk and work my way back into it! If it doesn't, I think I'll go, do the conditioning exercises, and then take it super slow.

Mommy and Baby Self-Care Checklist

One of the great tips I got as a new parent was the why-is-he-crying list. In other words, when baby (particularly useful for a newborn, but later on as well) is wailing and you don't know what to do, systematically run down the list of things he might need or that might help. This list might look like this:

1. Check diaper
2. Feed.
3. Check skin temp. Too hot? Too cold? Just right?
4. Make sure clothing/diaper isn't rubbing/stuck/etc.
5. Provide movement, by carrying. Or in a sling. Or in a rocking chair. Or in a stroller. Et cetera.
   
6. Change stimulus level: put music on/turn it off
7. Try putting baby down, maybe he needs a little space (again, changing stimulus)
8. Remember to repeat. He may have wet his diaper after step 2, or gotten hungry.

This is just a sample, and it varies a bit by the baby. The funny thing to me is that a lot of adults, particularly those with ADHD, need basically the same list:

1. Go to the bathroom.
2. When did you last eat? Eat something, preferably with protein.
3. Drink some water
4. Is your clothing comfortable?
5. Change your physical state. Walk around or run around or dance around.
6. Put on some music/change the music/make it quiet/ brighter/dimmer.
   
7. Do something different from what you're doing, something more interesting for a little while.
8. Remember to repeat. Eating and peeing once a day isn't really often enough.

Off to change my diaper. I mean the baby's. I think.

I just remembered, he's due for a nap

I was going to entitle this post "working at home with baby," because this morning, my husband and I are both working from home. I work a few partial days per week, while Peter "works" from home. He's the primary go-to parent during those times, and I can schedule clients, but I can also take a break with the baby, nurse him, etc, if I want to.

Now little G. is 6 1/2 months old. That's old enough to entertain himself for a while, if he is so inclined, with toys he can reach for from his recently-achieved sitting stability. So exciting! He can entertain himself! A taste of... being able to hang out with him while doing a little bit of work. Just a tiny tip-of-the-tongue taste, because he is just as likely to want attention, be bounced on a knee, talked to, or rescued from toppling over.

[note: both of us love hanging out with baby and playing. we're just trying to get a thing. or a quarter of a thing done periodically.]

So while I have a brief yet exciting window to do some writing before my next client call, and Peter hopes limply  that he'll finish a desperately needed e-mail, our wee one hangs out in his high chair. And starts to fuss right away. Then I remember the time. No, not the time it is with respect to client scheduling, but the Baby time. It must be baby naptime by now. We both completely forgot about that part. Funny, since it could provide us with glorious e-mailing possibilities. Then again, both of our abilities to forget, say, to eat; my ability to forget I'm in the shower (hence forgetting to get out), and so forth- why am I surprised? Perhaps because the baby spoils me with needed external structure; I can't forget to get out of the shower (he'll fuss); I can forget to eat I suppose, but I've grown used to taking full advantage of the moments he'll let me eat. But one thing he doesn't do is say "hey mom, dad, it's naptime." I need to remember on my very own to run down the list in my head of things-baby-might-fuss-about, and remember all the things on it. And I must remember my list of things-baby-needs in my head. That part? Not so genetically automatic.

Sickly

I'm sick. My eyes are puffed up like I was bitten by spiders and leaking venom, though the neighbors politely claim that I "just look a little tired." How sleep deprived do I usually look, I wonder?

Before I was a Mommy, I didn't understand how people could do stuff like continue to mommy while enveloped by that bone-aching, skin-stinging kind of fluish virus. People said things like, "you just do because you have to,"  adding nothing to my comprehension.

I am now relieved to know that this doing-out-of-necessity isn't some adrenaline-fueled superpower, although I know it would be if the little one were in danger. This is what it looks like:

I sit on couch. Hold baby. Move as little as possible. Weigh need to watch mindless tv with baby's need not to watch tv. Try to rattle rattley toys in front of him. Grunt. Wonder if his language development is being stunted by my lack of speech. Put baby on floor. hold him sitting up between my calves. Shovel pile of toys in front of him. Hope he is amused.
When he's hungry, nurse while lying on the couch, hope he falls asleep. Hold him lying next to me and hope he stays asleep.

I forgot the best part because I was so out of it. Yesterday morning, Peter put the baby next to me in bed to nurse, and sometimes he naps a little extra in the morning that way. Noooooo not yesterday, the day I couldn't see straight. He was aWAKE. He wanted to PLAY. No part of my being was ready for that. I found the minimum that satisfied him: I sat him up next to me and held him there. I think I drifted in and out of sleep while he sat there. I'm not really sure. He did seem to still be sitting there, held in place by these appendages that appeared to be attached to my body.

The doctor says to let her know if my eyes (and Peter's too) are still puffed up like animals with puffy-sticky-out-eyes next week. Great. Given that I'm typing this post, you know it's not quite as bad as yesterday. And the little one even tried out a new food today, so all is well in the universe. Squash! A big hit!

Objects My Baby is in Love With

These objects keep the little one blissful, and distracted. They are objects of awe and joy. It doesn't have to be the big / expensive things in life...

Mola (weaving) on our wall. Gets huge stares.

La Jolla Cove Swim Club sweatshirt (from Aunt Claudia) emblem. Whales rock. Gets much petting and attention.

Mouseymouse, knit by Aunt Wendy. Gets a lot of kisses/time in mouth, and rapt stares.

Boys Toys

Perhaps from the feminism desk, I love this story from the New Scientist :

Male monkeys prefer boys' toys.
Apparently, if you give baby monkeys toys to play with, the boy monkeys prefer trucks and other wheeled vehicles, while girl monkeys go for both dolls/plush toys and vehicles.

So you can stop feeling bad about socializing your boys to play with "boys' toys." That's just what most boys do.

Watch the  awesome video as well. Yeah, I'm a sucker for monkeys, toys, and gender issues.

BPA, Pthalates, am I nuts?

Why am I concerned about all this plastics stuff?

I try to stay low-key about all the safety concerns and toxins concerns. I have enough to take care of. I have enough issues without making up no-buy lists I don't have to. I've seen how hard it is for people who really have to avoid foods and chemicals of various sorts because they are clear causes of health problems in their lives. (sugar/diabetes or citrus/hives or various cosmetics/eczema etc)

For myself and my clients, I do try to maintain a "save yourself before you save the world" attitude. This means: if you can't get organized to get the trash out at ALL, work on waste disposal before you work on recycling that takes extra car trips. Once the house is out of public-health-hazard danger, you'll be more able to think about setting up systems that are as great for the world as can be, and more able to actually have an impact. Similarly, once you've ingested some food on a regular basis, you'll be more able to think about ingesting better food.

And then here come the plastics scares. and I'm a new parent. I'm a new parent with a long (25 year long) history of crazy hormones. Sometimes they call it "PMS and we don't know what else there is to do," sometimes they call it "hormonal dysfunction," and sometimes they call it "PMDD." More about all that later.

There are all kinds of things one can do supposedly to improve PMS symptoms, like drastically change diet, cut out caffeine, bla bla. Never mind whether these things work (I tend to think it's just assumed that they do, because I haven't seen much research that shows that less red meat and no caffeine helps PMS); they ignore the fact that my hormones can mean it's hard to get to the supermarket, let alone cook healthy food. They ignore the fact that caffeine is one of the medicines that helps me cope, and helps me distance from my physical discomfort, helps me focus, and helps me get to the gym, and well, to the store, during the 1/2 of my life I may be sick. Oh no! way to much rant on another topic.

Bisphenol-A, used in plastics since grandmother's childbearing years. A synthetic estrogen. I've been wondering about xenoestrogens and all that for some time in my pursuit of a more even-keeled hormonal life, but thought, well, we've had wicked bad pms in the family going back to at least my grandmother.
Before that might be hard to know; the women were preggo for most of their child-bearing lives. What I do know going back to my grandmother is that menopause is something to look forward to. It's when things get better. I know mine is the worst, but I figured those chemicals and stuff can't be so much of a dramatic issue because the rest of the family has it bad. Until I read the timeline for BPA and its use in polycarbonate and realized I can't know that it isn't an issue.

That along with the finding that phthalates are exreted in infants' urine... and I'm changing a couple of things. Don't get me wrong folks, I am not claiming it will change everything or that these chemicals are the root cause of all that is bad. The thing is, that timeline, made me realize, I just don't know.

So I hope my husband will pardon the apparent obsession; it's hard to track down which products contain and don't contain which chemicals, and I'm just trying to clean things up for the sake of the little one while I'm still passing this stuff on to his tiny body. And who knows, maybe it'll help me too.

Helpful Links:
The Environmental Working Group and their Cosmetics Database (also check out their report on sunscreen, baby product buying guide, etc)

www.thesoftlanding.com  - check out their shop and their blog

zrecs.blogspot.com - check out their blog, and their awesome cellphone texting service to check on products.

Baby Memory

I have memory deficits (as part of my ADHD, and possibly part of my hormonal crap in general.) "In general" being before I was pregnant. 
Mommies are supposed to have "mommy brain," that is they're forgetful. Once the postpartum hormones are equibrilated, this is largely due to sleep deprivation, one would assume. I have the foggy mommy brain, but then I had memory problems before, but it's definitely a bit different.

I'm not sure if my working memory is better or worse with a little baby. Here's what I've noticed:

• I forget entirely what I did a couple days ago
• I forget what I was saying (writing) as I say it sometimes. It drifts into the cloudy beyond, escaping my articulation.
• I don't forget why I came into a room as much as I used to.

Here's what's better than "before":

• Forgetfulness feels more pleasant. Or less agitating. Thoughts slip away but it doesn't seem that important.
• I deal well with immediacy in general, and as I've remarked before, this is convenient, because baby is all about the importance of that which is in front of me at the moment. Baby is all about the here-and-now. So who cares what I've forgotten about? Baby will clue me in if I've forgotten something he needs.
• I have a reason our culture understands for my memory deficits. How can I articulate how huge this is? No one blames New Mommy for having Fuzz Brain.It's such a relief after being frustrated for years at the fact that only older folks were permitted "senior moments." Younger adults are supposed to have fully cooperative recall-on-demand. I'm now in the know: New Mommy is also forgiven, often with an empathetic sigh.

I've heard from older folks who have always had memory issues like myself that they're at an advantage over their peers because they're more experienced coping with all the name-forgetting and so on. I think I've got the same "advantage" going on now too. A little mush-brain? Not such a looming adversary. Just another grey day at the functioning parade.