thinkythink

What I Do #2: Cheering You On

Cheer you on

I'm not sure how much explanation this needs- but I cheer my clients on - in whatever onward means for them. It might mean detours or times they feel they're not making progress, but they may be finding out a lot and doing a lot that they don't notice at first. I don't cheer you on towards my goal for you; I cheer you on towards your own best.

I think this one is funny because I am not super-duper rah-rah-rah about all things. But I love encouraging people. And I think many people, and especially people with ADHD, have trouble noticing, acknowledging, and connecting with their own accomplishments. This can be especially hard when the things that are hard for you, and hence, significant when you do them, are simple (or seemingly simple) for other people. It's important to stop and notice them, so you can see when you are making progress rather than writing it off. Noticing accomplishments can also be motivating and encouraging, even when we resist it.

What I Do: Holding A Space

Continuing on from last week's post, one thing I do as an ADHD coach is to hold a certain space for my clients. 

I hold a space for each client to discover and flesh out what's now, and what's next. For many people, this is the only space that is non-pathologizing; it's not about what's "wrong" with you, but simply, how you work and what's best for you. It is a non-pre-judgemental space. What I mean by that, is that if you are struggling to keep a job or finish a degree- but aren't happy doing it, I don't assume that it is best for you to either continue on the current path nor that it is best for you to change direction. I am extremely curious about what you will find is best for you, and I support you in that. 

Just to clarify, some coaching clients also work with a therapist, or have in the past. Therapy and coaching can complement each other, and sometimes I help clients work out what they want to talk about with me versus the therapist. It's not that one is better than the other- they just work differently, and coaching is not considered "health care."

What I Do

I've recently added a bunch of time to my coaching hours, so I can finally accept new clients, and at the same time I've been asked a lot recently what it is that I do. It's really easy to give a long answer to that question; I do best by telling stories about clients (without personal information of course) because coaching is so individualized. It is harder to give a short, cocktail-party-answer-this-before-you-grab-more-chips answer. So I thought I'd revisit it here. These are some of the things I do:

• Hold a space
• Cheer you on
• Break it down
• Integrate
• Persistently look for the best

I will talk about each of these things some more in upcoming blog posts. My coaching website is over here.

To Do Lists are Overrated.

This afternoon, we're starting our taxes in my house. Because some of my bookkeeping systems floundered in 2008, it got me thinking about various systems I've changed in the past 18 months or so.

I used to use MS Outlook for calendar, contacts, and a to do list. I synched it with a Palm device. This worked for me for years. But late in my pregnancy with my first-born pumpkin, said Palm device decided it was time for frequent non-functioning to set in. I didn't feel like hunting down a replacement then and there. And then I realized that after the wee one was born, I may not be able to follow my own rule for PDA use:
Do not depend on a PDA unless you back it up daily.

Now I realize this rule is somewhat outdated with iPhones and whatnot, or at least the backing up works differently. Point is that small portable devices crash, freeze, die, get lost, etc. And I synched mine with my computer, in my basement office, every day, but didn't really see that being high on my priority list when I was in the massive exhaustion, 18 diapers-a-day beginning of parenthood.

So I gave up the PDA lifestyle and bought myself a paper week-by-week calendar for 2008 at the drugstore for about $3.95. I was going to be taking some time off after the baby anyways, and wouldn't have that many appointments to note.

It worked just fine.

I still miss having a portable, complete list of addresses compiled in one place. I'll work that out.

I got myself a little bit nicer paper calendar for 2009 (this one I ordered online, and accidentally got one a size too small; as long as I use pencil for most appointments, it seems to be fine, too). If I did use something like an iPhone, I'd be happy to use Google Calendar, but this way I don't have to have computer or laptop access to make or check appointments.

I don't keep a to do list anymore.
I don't miss it. I don't forget a lot more than I used to. Outlook was a great place to put a "master to do list," i.e., a place to dump all the tasks stuck in my head so I didn't have to carry them around in my head, and so maybe I could look over them to think about how to use my time. That's actually one of the keys to why it's not a problem for me not to have one right now; my work life is compacted into taking care of clients, and very immediate related stuff, and one or two bonus tasks per week, because I work part-time. When I'm with my son, everything is very immediate and clear what I need to do.

I do write things down:

Occassionally I have written an email with then things I'm meaning to get done. It's not an ongoing thing like it used to be, though it is a list in a very simple place that I can find back. I haven't done that in quite a while quite honestly, though I have emailed some goals to work buddies to help focus my thoughts.

And I write "stubby to do lists." That's where you take a scrap (not too small) of paper and write down the three or so things you need to do right NOW in the next few hours, so you don't forget them when you get distracted. The the scrap can go away. Using a fat marker seems to work well. I think this is helpful because my working or short-term memory gets foggy. It works because I'm NOT trying to prioritize as I do these things, it's just a really short list to keep me on task rather than drifting into space.

So to be fair, I do use to do lists my own way. And I'm not recommending that YOU give them up...if they HELP you. I AM recommending that you use natural opportunities to slash and burn overly complicated systems that aren't necessarily helpful, and see what grows in their stead.