thinkythink

Transitioning Back

People with ADHD tend to have a much harder time transitioning back to "regular" daily life after a trip or other interruption, such as holidays. I'm reminded of this today as I sit down to write and can't remember a whole bunch of stuff about the writing process like:

• what was I going to write about next
• how does it usually work when I write?
• What is my underlying motivation for writing?

I can find my way back with breadcrumbs I've left for myself, like drafts of posts, and that sort of thing. And by simply sitting with it. I've also grown more "skilled" at just letting go the things I've forgotten. For example, if I had some extraneous ideas for topics that I've written down, or even started to work on, they may not engage me right now, or they might feel stale. And if they came up and fled my mind before I could (or did) capture them, that's ok. That used to not be ok with me. I felt like I had a lost pieces of myself, and I felt disoriented. What do I know now that's different?

• I always have more ideas. I am not the sum of my ideas; Perhaps to know me is to know my rhythm of idea-generation as much as the ideas themselves.
• I feel more disoriented when I try to hang onto or latch onto my thoughts, than when I orient myself in the present. I think that the more I used to be in my head, the more that felt like the only place I could figure out what was important to me and what I was about at a given moment. Now, I know that when I'm in my head I feel stuck out of touch with what's going on with me and in the world. So, the more I dig around in my thoughts to figure out what's up or what's important, the worse off I am.
• I will find my way back to what's important. I don't need to think my way there.

Why was it so hard to get to this place? I think because we (or at least I) come from a culture that tells us that to get to know ourselves, we must reflect. We must introspect. But when you can see every idea and every action from every angle, that really doesn't get you to any end point. It is simply an activity in itself, and one that I, for one, tend to flounder in.

More Attention, Less Deficit

Up today: a (relatively) new book about Adult ADHD, called More Attention, Less Deficit, by Ari Tuckman PhD.

This is actually one of the newer books I would recommend as an addition to your references on ADHD if you or your partner has ADHD. Specifically, I would treat it as a reference book. It is chock full of suggestions and strategies to work with ADHD issues as well as clear explanations.

It is not the kind of book that I, for one, would read from start to finish. It isn't the kind of book you read to understand your emotional and deep experience of ADHD the way some of the classics Adult ADHD are. That also means for me, that  I don't get swept up in reading it for hours. And I don't want you to purchase it and then get mad at yourself for not reading like a non-ADHDer  like that!

Instead, it's a book I like to pick up and check out the information on various topics and questions related to ADHD. I think it would be good for a partner or family member to help understand various aspects of ADHD, as well as for the adult with ADHD themselves- and I say various meaning MANY because it covers a lot from diagnosis to symptoms to social issues to life issues to medications to all kinds of other management strategies. It is organized and indexed well and clearly to make it easy to use for this. In fact, few of the other books around, while they do touch on the sort of gestalt experience of adult ADHD, serve as this kind of useful reference that could be super helpful to add to your bookshelf!

September's Declutter Action Group

Geez, it's happening so fast. The first Declutter Action Group went really well, it was cool. I had a blast. So, we're doing another starting Thursday, September 10. It's 3 Thursdays from 12:00-2:30 pm Eastern time. Read some about it in this earlier post. Sign up and join me at www.adultaddclutter.com and let's get some stuff cleaned up and organized!

Scaffolding of Moderation

This morning I was talking to some clients about the tendency toward all-or-nothing/black-and-white thinking or perfectionism. This is a tendency that makes it really hard to stick to routines or plans or tasks when things aren't going exactly right....and that makes it even harder than it already is for many of us to carve out, and stick to, routines and structures. It makes it too obvious to give up on something we're doing because the middle ground isn't clear. It doesn't seem like there's "something" you can do to make progress or keep on track, because "something" isn't the "one perfect thing," and the results may not be 100%.

And here's something that came up in my mind while I was thinking and talking about this: I'm lucky that I had the experience of living Netherlands for most of my 20's, because it gave me a model of moderation. Dutch culture tends to be a culture that involves a lot of moderation, routine, and a sense of contentedness. This offered a completely opposing experience to the ambition and "you can do anything if you try" kind of fabric I grew up with in the US. I love the passion we've got here, that's not what this is about. I just think that Dutch culture offered me a sort of scaffolding for accepting things that are good in life, and things that running well, and in general the little things, rather than always needing to achieve and attain the ultimate in everything. Even thinking about it is calming.

I don't think this sense isn't available state-side, the Netherlands simply immersed me in it, and now I have a way of remembering in a lot of life what the middle ground might be; what satisfaction might be without a gold star. I guess I'd recommend to everyone who struggles with the all-or-nothing bug to look for this around them so you can hang reminders on your mental wall that whatever you're working on is still worthwhile even when it isn't "perfect." Here are some of the things I recall when I want to remember this:

-A well-balanced but very simple dinner (rather than an amazingly tasty, exotic, or huge one).
-That holds for food in general. A cookie is nice. A chocolate is nice. It doesn't have to be the whole bag, it can be satisfying as a quiet ritual to have one cookie with coffee, and depriving oneself entirely isn't necessary either.
-Doing some nice things in a day makes for a good day.
-Some socializing, some relaxing, is human, pleasant, healthy. Intense work from dawn 'til dusk doesn't make you a better person. The Dutch structure in many short breaks, and varied activities.
-A walk is exercise. Sometimes and for some of us an intense workout is great, but don't forget that a pleasant walk at lunch or after dinner or what have you is also good for you.
-Having clothes and a roof over your head is a wonderful thing. It doesn't need to be extravagant to be enough.

-Getting some work done is good productivity. Work some each day. Go home and eat a decent meal afterwards. Work ends after a work day's number of hours- not after you're exhausted and have proved you can stay longer than everyone else. In other words, work to live, not the other way around, even if work is awesome.

It's pretty hard to capture the sense that comes with thinking about this for me, but it's clear to me how instrumental it has been to find some context and reference to understand how to make the muddled gray, the imperfection be my satisfaction. It seems to come down to remembering what's important in general, and not just in the moment of whatever you're doing now. Of course, remembering is the hard part for many of us. What helps you to remember?