Continuing on from Sunday's post, here is my second point on ADHD and difficulty making friends:
2. People with ADHD seem to have difficulty making the distinction between different kinds of relationships. I think our culture at the moment makes this harder on us as well because we tend to lack community in our everyday lives. If you don't have a strong neighborhood, extended family, and other group such as club or church or whatnot, it is hard to experience having a rich community of people with whom you have meaningful ties- even if they are NOT your closest friends. I think that people with ADHD can do well to remember that when they get to know people, they may become close friends OR casual friends OR friends with something in common but not best friends. What you share in each kind of relationship is different.
It is OK to have few close friends, and to enjoy acquaintances or less-close friends and have an ongoing relationship with these folks without their needing to be closer. Again, a hard thing to remember for many people with ADHD.
I do want to stress that at the same time it is important to know what kind of groups of people you enjoy being part of. If you get antsy or annoyed in certain settings or types of organization, that is not where you will develop community successfully. That is about fit between you and the organization; not about the people in it necessarily (though that can also be a factor). Of course that is yet another discussion.
More in the next post.