I have been reading a really long discussion thread on www.womenwithadhd.com about the difficulty people (ok, in this case women) with adhd feel they have making friends. It reminded me of discussions I have had with coaching clients over the years and with the things I have learned myself about this topic. I wanted to note a few of these. I will start with one point today:
#1 People with ADHD seem to have difficulty learning about/remember the different phases of getting to know people. Once in a while, you might come across someone with whom it just clicks immediately and presto, you are bestest chums. But with most people, getting to know them is somewhat like dating; first you learn a bit about each other, and see if there is friend chemistry, if there is anything in common, and from there, what kind of connection would you like to have? Are there activities or interests in common? What kind of time do you want to spend with this person or is it just nice talking to them at first? Just as in project planning and other areas, it is like people with ADHD forget about the different phases involved and need to consciously break them down.
More in the next post...
I have a friend with adhd making friends with them is not difficult.they are very sweet and caring to people we should be patient to them so that we can understand them.
Posted by: ask doctor online | March 25, 2010 at 05:36 PM
To clarify, this is about people with adhd having some challenges around making friends with -other- people, not the other way around. Nice that you are patient though; at the same time a lot of people w/ ADHD feel like they need to be patient with the rest of the world!
Posted by: Becca Colao, MA, Senior Certified ADHD Coach | April 01, 2010 at 02:17 PM
Finally. A simple, accurate and concise description of the friendship making process. How about a 2011 revisit of the series complete with one-liners and ADHDer might use as s/he moves through the friendship phases?
Posted by: KimberlyB | March 10, 2011 at 02:47 PM