thinkythink

6 Ways To Quiet Your Hyper Mind - Long Version

A while ago I posted on "6 Ways to Quiet Your Hyper Mind." I got some feedback looking for a longer version so get it here!

Of course I never share email addresses or info with anyone for any reason in this context.

Winding Down

1. Any day now, or at least within the next few weeks, I'm going to have a baby. As I've mentioned before, my ADHD seems to be getting worse right here at the end of pregnancy- or at any rate, I'm more forgetful and spacier, which I think many women are late in pregnancy anyway. So when I'm not too exhausted and I have time to work, I'm trying to figure out how to wind down my work and at the same time tie up loose ends. Now and then I remember what I've said here myself: leave myself a trail of breadcrumbs to come back to- both for now and for when I start working again after my break. Then I remember I have something like a list, and so forth. The thing is, the list was about stuff I wanted to do while pregnant. Now it's time to make a shift; what do I want to do so it's ready for me after I have the baby!

That might sound like a simple or obvious shift, but it took a while of thinking through the things I had wanted to get done to realize where I am in this whole pregnancy thing, and what that actually means for getting things done. It's silly to think about big projects that I want to get done at this point, because I could reasonably be in the hospital in a few hours OR in a few weeks. So whatever I get done at this point is gravy.

On the other hand, whether it's now, or in a few weeks, I can get ready for returning from the trip- because really this is the same thing I would do if I were about to go on vacation or take a trip somewhere. And then I can use the same list, or trail of breadcrumbs, until I actually stop working.

I came up with some categories for myself:

1. The most important things

2. The would-like-to things

3. The delegate (to a virtual assistant) things

4. The plan-a-date/arrangement-for things

The last category include programs or classes I want to start up in the new year (or restart), like the Declutter Action Group, Teleseminars, Group Coaching.

The first category would include making sure I'm in touch with people. Which includes projects like updating my website- which has a bunch of steps in category #3. 

Category #2? A bunch of my own organizing projects that I'd like to do as soon as I am a little less forgetful! And those are great things to use to restart working- as long as I have some other work going on too!

So that's the framework for my trail of breadcrumbs. Now I have stuff to do while I'm waiting for baby: filling in the details of that list, and putting the list somewhere I'll find it, or with someone who will know where it is.

It's a little different from most breaks or trips I take because then I might write a list and notes to myself about projects I was working on and where I left them, including what the next steps would be. In this case I haven't invested myself in a lot of big projects because my focus while pregnant was my clients and continuing work. And I know I'll remember who and what those are!

What kind of breadcrumbs do you need to leave for yourself?

Errands or Guests? how not to decide anything.

From the last post:

When my thinking hijacks my experience, I don't buy into it. I notice it, step back from it as best I can, consider myself hijacked if I can't get out of it and down to earth, and wait it out. I like to think I experience the whole thing less nowadays as a result, but that when it springs up, it doesn't feel like a comment on my identity, nor some dialog I need to be obsessively involved in.

That's good because the hijacking has happened recently. Another thing that is different is that I can pinpoint- or guess- physical causes, which helps me minimize the importance of the mental crap. In this case it's easy. I'm very pregnant, so I've got hormones, hormonal idiocy, and extreme fatigue going on. It is interesting to watch how my cognitive functioning fluctuates through the whole process I should say.

Lately I'm foggier than I was earlier in pregnancy, and I've also been having moments where I can't make up my mind. Should I do an errand with my kid or invite people over? Which is easier? And then I start imagining each one, going to Target in my mind's eye like some athlete visualizing a race, in a very dead-ended way because it doesn't help with anything.

Luckily that doesn't tie me up for hours most of the time that that happens (which is increasingly rare). I don't have to sit for hours grappling with this mind-bendingly important decision (sarcasm, I hope you realize.) Even if it keeps going on in my head... I don't buy that it matters. I look for a way out, some way of deciding, because obviously my decider is currently offline, like getting someone else to decide (if they wanna come visit or meet up somewhere, I let that decide for me. or I can tell them I can't decide as long as they don't try to reason it out with me!

If that doesn't work, I can just let it go. Sometimes, anyway, which is better than before. I can switch on the tv. Or just decide that obviously my switchboard went to Tahiti and I'm staying home. And find something to occupy me other than arguing with myself.

Transitioning Back Part 2.

In my last post I said that it's easier to let go of trying to think my way back because I know now that

I will find my way back to what's important. I don't need to think my way there.

How do I know this? What changed? That's a question a lot of people I talk to (including my coaching clients) want to know about, because it's hard to believe that it will change when you are stuck feeling like you have to lasso yourself onto all of your ideas.

One thing I mentioned last week bears repeating: I am not (nor are you) the sum of my ideas. That makes it ok to lose track of my ideas.
I think that's actually the base of what's changed, because it's now okay to see myself as something other than my ideas. I think this is particularly hard if, in addition to the hyperthinky tendencies, like me, you grew up in an intellectual culture, so give yourself some slack if that's true (or if it's not!). It's also okay not to reflect on who I am or what I am very often.

That's one of those funny-to-hear-from-a-coach statements; aren't life coaches supposed to ask you to focus on what's at your core and all that good stuff? Perhaps, but for me I've really shifted to whatever works as a way of getting further. Point being, that type of contemplation often backfires if you're somebody who quickly sees every idea from every possible angle. Sometimes it works better not to worry too much, not to deal in, that discussion with oneself, even if it is useful to know what's important to you.

I guess I started by feeling that it's important to be at peace with myself. It's important to feel well. It's important to DO and not just think.

And now I'm not sure I've answered my own question: what's changed? Here's another brief attempt:

When my thinking hijacks my experience, I don't buy into it. I notice it, step back from it as best I can, consider myself hijacked if I can't get out of it and down to earth, and wait it out. I like to think I experience the whole thing less nowadays as a result, but that when it springs up, it doesn't feel like a comment on my identity, nor some dialog I need to be obsessively involved in.

September's Declutter Action Group

Geez, it's happening so fast. The first Declutter Action Group went really well, it was cool. I had a blast. So, we're doing another starting Thursday, September 10. It's 3 Thursdays from 12:00-2:30 pm Eastern time. Read some about it in this earlier post. Sign up and join me at www.adultaddclutter.com and let's get some stuff cleaned up and organized!

Getting Things Done/ Flexible Structure

I recently received a comment form a post I wrote last year, called "Must Always Be So Flexible...". npnn writes:

"Thanks for the post.  I have the same issues with structure.  In many ways they work well for me, but I have a hell of a time sticking to them.

Are you familiar with David Allen's book Getting Things Done?  If so, I'd be interested in your reaction.  It's a productivity book, not an ADHD book, but a lot of the themes of your post (flexible structure, dealing with varying levels of energy, on-the-spot decision making) are things he talks about at length.  And he argues that his method is the best way to deal with them.

I use a GTD approach myself and it's been incredibly useful.  **That said** it doesn't solve my issues with structure.  It itself is a structure and it can hard to stick to.  But when I do it makes flexibly deciding what to do based on my current context and energy level a lot easier."

First of all, thanks for the comments. I love comments everyone! (I'm assuming they are well-considered and not mean!) This might be a boring response if you know me, but here it is. I think that GTD is useful for some people. For others it has some of the pitfalls that I think of as classic in ADHD-land particularly..

• we get excited about the novelty of the approach
• we get excited about "solving everything" with a given system
• we implement all of it at once
• we can't keep implementing all of it, without help, anyways
• we get bored of it after a while
• we get overwhelmed by the amount of structure involved

But maybe that's the cynical side. Because many people I know, coaches and organizers including this organizer I collaborate with sometimes, (we team up and coach and organize with the same client) use GTD with clients and for themselves. Others use elements of it. I guess as with Flylady, which I talked about recently, I would urge people to look at which elements are useful to you, and take them on bit by bit. Don't turn your back on things that are already working for you because you're so caught up in a new shiny system! Don't take on so many changes that you lose sight of what you know about yourself and how you work!

Getting Things Done is worth reading, keeping all that in mind. Here are some good points:

• It can give you some good ideas, and food for thought, about the flow of information and paper in your life
• It offers some useful procedures for dealing with that information and paper, which you can integrate into your way of doing things (a bunch of different way of going through papers, filing papers, clearing your desk, etc)
• It offers some ways of thinking about what you do with your stuff
• It works this into some ideas about thinking strategically about what you can do with different pockets of time that you have

Declutter Action Group

I'm starting a new group program in August called the Declutter Action Group. I wanted to tell you a little about how it works, and why I'm doing it.

For years I've used a strategy for getting certain kinds of things done: I tell someone "hey, I'm going to deal with this annoying pile of papers right NOW!"
This has often worked best with one of my sisters. We are both business owners, and we both hate dealing with things like piles of paper on our desks that need to be sorted, filed, destroyed, answered, or otherwise processed- but we like working at relatively orderly desks where we can find things we need. So sometimes we'll call each other- or e-mail- or in the last couple of years, chat online, and one of us will say "hey I have this terrible pile of papers to deal with." The other will reply. "Ok great! Deal with some and call/email me back and tell me you did it!"
It works.It works for getting through laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, dealing with a backlog of phone calls. It works to have someone know what you're doing. It helps that you're committing to a short burst of work at one time. It helps to check in. It helps to vent frustration, and break down the steps (or step) you're taking next so you don't get overwhelmed.

 I've worked with enough ADHD (and non-ADHD) coaching clients to find out that this kind of approach is strangely, magically powerful for some people.  Most people do best when they commit to a certain time to do these annoying and ADHD-unfriendly tasks, but committing to it only works, or works best, if there is someone besides themselves involved.

This simple strategy is one that I've often wanted to be able to share with other people. A group can be encouraging, and most of us don't have people who "get it" at our disposal in our everyday lives. As a coach, I feel like this is a way I can offer support that doesn't have to cost a lot, and can help a lot. This isn't a group where I tell you how you should do something (though I can help you break down what you're going to do). There are groups and programs for that - but I really wanted to do something for people who have already figured certain strategies out, just need some support carrying out the tasks.

And so I came up with the Declutter Action Group. Here's how it works:
You commit to a series of three Thursday mornings (this time round. I will offer it at different times in the future.) from 9:30-noon. You bring the projects or piles you want to work on, at home or in your office. If you're a bit stuck, or over-ambitious, we have half an hour from 9:30-10 to chat (online) through it a bit and define the step you'll take next. From 10-11 the whole group gets to work! At 11:00 you get back on the web chat and me and the group what you got done, and what's next. From 11:05- 11:55, it's back to decluttering! And at 11:55 we get back online and close it up- what are the final steps, like clean-up, or driving to Goodwill? Are you going to buy some supplies for the next week?

That's it. I made it 3 weeks because that's enough time to really make an dent in something, and clear some clutter, but it is short enough to commit to. It's all online, so you can do this while your kid is yelling, or in the office without your coworkers hearing all about it. Here are some of the things I would work on in a time frame like this:

-receipts I haven't logged (and may have lying around in half a dozen bags) for my business

-the papers I really need to get rid of on my desk

-the addresses and contact info I need to move from the old computer to the new system

-the kitchen drawer that is causing me grief because it's full of crap

You get the idea. If it sounds like it will help you, please come join me. We have a super early-bird special for this first offering available for the next few days, so please check it out.

Systems: Planning on Paper

Over at Productivity 501, I just read a post about why you should use paper to do your planning, instead of, or before, working on the computer.

If you've been reading my blog, you probably have figured out part of my response: some things work for some people, other things work for other people. At which point, I want to encourage people to think about whether planning on a piece of paper would work better for you.

I use a few different systems for my own planning. I write myself e-mails with lists of ideas to work on, and reminders for myself for the next day (or next few hours). I have a paper calendar, but I have used a pda in the past; both work depending on my situation.

When I used to use Outlook or another calendar program, I would in fact often print out the current and coming week, and sit and look at it. That would help me plan. I could write in blocks I would like to do certain kinds of projects, and notes to myself. I often recommend that people use paper printouts, or big wall calendars, to look at what I call the "shape of time."

When I sit down to work, if I have more than a couple of things (or sometimes just a couple of things) I want to get done that day or look at that day, I tend to write it on paper as well, sometimes a scrap with a list written large with a fat marker. The process does help me think, and help me get clear. It does feel like it uses a different way of thinking or a different part of my mind than typing does. And I can put all the infinite distraction of the computer aside while I plan. I agree with the post that planning is a different kind of process and I like to give it that space. Even if it's only a few minutes. 

And all I want to do in this post is suggest that you think about it and possibly try it. We get so wrapped up in how "useful" computers are, or just get used to using them, that it's easy to forget that pen and paper sometimes just work better. Even if you type the list up afterwards.

What works for you?

ipod for survival

By special request (Terry M.), more about how I use my iPod to survive. And before we even go there, let me point out that it doesn't need to be an ipod. Or even an mp3 player. You can use a portable cd player. They sell them pretty cheap even at some drugstores.

As I wrote about the other day, it can be super hard, or impossible, for me to concentrate with the wrong background noise.  The ipod is my buffer. It protects me from bombardment. When I'm out in public, or even in my house and there is noise from the neighbors, or staying with family and I can hear them from the bedroom, i need my own space. Noise when I am either trying to work, or trying to chill out, or collect myself, or reboot, is like someone hurling sharp objects at me. It hurts, physically. I can't filter it out (ADHD = lack of filters). I can't just kind of integrate it into the background. It is exhausting. And unlike what some people think about working, ie that you should have a quiet environment to work "without distraction," I need music to drown out distraction. That's important, since when I get distracted, it takes extra long for me to find my way back to focus.

At some point I gave up on listening to "good" music when I was listening for survival instead of artistic inspiration. Here's what I mean: I grew up in an intellectual culture, and have had a lot of friends who are artistic, musical, intellectual, and critical. I love having those people around me, and I love seeing what people can achieve. I love being introduced to new music and art and influences. But...when you assume that, for example, pop music is "bad" or "selling out" or "not interesting enough," you're limiting yourself in a different way. I had to learn to pick the right music to accomplish the right goal: to give me a buffer. To help me focus, or chill out, or regroup, or whatnot. If it's too interesting, that might distract me from what I'm doing- or might annoy me because there is too much to listen to. Awful as it sounds, my ipod helps me survive by creating a bit of personal "muzak." Not that I actually listen to muzak, though I occassionally appreciate Brian Eno's ambient music projects; but I'm creating that affect for myself. Throw out what is "good" or "creative." As is my coaching motto, go for what works.

Review: Flylady.net

There's a pretty powerful free online resource over at flylady.net that I hear recommended fairly often on forums and group coaching calls and the like. I wanted to check it out again because I'm always curious about solutions that work really well for some.  In my last post I talked about my general take on pre-fab systems. Now I'll get into this particular system.

Flylady is a website dedicated to helping people take care of their chores and their housekeeping. It does this by breaking down household tasks into small, often quick steps, and asking its users to tackle certain things daily (like wiping a counter-top or swishing the toilet brush in the toilet), or more often (like moving the laundry from one step to the next), and by working on different areas of the house on different weeks and days. There are some core strategies, like "shining your sink", where the idea is that if you get the sink not just cleared, but sparkly clean, it will motivate you. For good measure some self-care is thrown in, like reminders to get fully dressed in the morning, to drink enough water, and to exercise even if it is a small amount. 

The site includes background information about this system, as well as various supports, including free e-mails you can sign up for, as well as Twitter reminders. I had signed up for the e-mails several years ago to check it out, and did so again recently. The e-mails are one thing that could be overwhelming; it is 3pm as I write this and it looks like I've received 13 Flylady e-mails just today. I filter them into a folder to bypass my inbox so it doesn't clutter it up- though if you want to get reminders this might defeat the purpose. It also seems like a bunch of the simple reminders that I remember getting as e-mails a few years back now arrive as tweets, which might be better suited, if you have some way of receiving them throughout the day, just depending on the person.  Those are the quick reminders like "drink some water," or "What's for dinner?" (sometime mid-morning), or "Where's your laundry? In the washer getting smelly?" or "Where ever you are do a Hot Spot Fire Drill! 2 minutes!," i.e., get up and clean up the crap for 2 minutes, with instructions on the website. The current incarnation of the e-mails seem to be focused on bigger stuff, like areas to focus on each week, as well as testimonials, and advertising products sold on the site (some of which look pretty good, to be fair.)

For me, certain things about this system work, and certain things don't. The "shine your sink" idea actually does work for me, though I don't apply it as a ritual each morning / night as much as I use it if I am doing chores. Versions of it work, as well; when I am picking up around the whole house, it always helps me to make my bed first, even if I'm getting ready for company that won't be upstairs at all. It gives me the sense of a clear slate, I think, plus the fact that I actually can put, say, clean laundry on the bed and find it later.

The way chores are broken in down into quick steps can be really helpful, though I think there are some caveats. Here's where I'd say that for me personally, the way of thinking is useful if I apply it this way: WHEN I CAN, try a quick attack, a small step. If I try to keep up with the whole approach and do everything every day, well, that would be crazy for me. I think it would work really well for someone who doesn't have kids, or someone who is a stay-at-home mom or dad whose kids aren't the age of my toddler, say.  For me, a quick toilet touch-up sounds so simple, other than my son will either be flushing the toilet every 2 seconds as I go, throwing things in, doing something death-defying elsewhere, or throwing a tantrum that he can't play with the toilet. Similarly, unloading the dishwasher each morning would involve a toddler impaling himself with a knife, sitting in the dishwasher, etc. And I just don't use tv several times a day to allow me to do stuff like that. If I tried to do this stuff on his daycare days, when I work from home, I'd never get any work done. Finally, the end-of-the day kinds of steps, cleaning up before bed, that sort of thing, don't suit my wiring. Here's why: if I start doing dishes or picking up the floor too close to bedtime, I am too awake to fall asleep on time. I'd rather leave it a mess than be sleep-deprived. But especially for some people, the ideas about laying out clothes for the next day could work really well.

And I do apply some of those baby-size steps (I believe the site calls them "babysteps" in fact.) I always keep an eye on where the laundry is. Instead of trying to do at least a load every day, as the site recommends, I try to only start it when I know it will make it to the dryer soon after. I do my best to get it all the way to put back away as soon as possible, but again, I have to keep an eye on distraction from my actual work. I can strike a balance, say getting a couple loads done on days that I work from home, but not doing any other chores. So again, this is a matter of cherry-picking from the system those things that are useful to me. There are things I like and agree with, things I like and can't do at this point in my life, and things I disagree with. (A minor example: I like the strategy of getting fully dressed each morning, so you feel put together. I disagree with the idea of putting my shoes on in the house.) For my readers I would suggest that Flylady could be a great resource, if, and only if, you are able to check it out without a burden of perfectionism; without feeling like you have to do all of it, and without feeling like you have to agree with all of it. There are some great ideas if you can find (as always) the parts that work for you.