thinkythink

Back onboard the keyboard

Way back in October, which seems both like yesterday and like two years ago, I left myself a trail of breadcrumbs in this very blog. This helped me to feel like I wouldn't lose track of everything and myself while I was immersed in new baby-ness, and gives me a way to gently find my way back into my work. This is especially important when work is self-motivated, self-defined, and self-structured.

My second son was born mid-November, and I've been working again since the beginning of the year, gradually building things up. As we speak I am sitting in a coffeeshop with my baby in his stroller; I've got a window to do this while he naps. The window is there; the hints are there about what I wanted to work on. So I wanted to talk about a possible sticking point for getting started. It would be really easy for me to hesitate to write a post because I want it to be the right post. That would mean restarting on some coherent or consistent theme; explaining my absence; knowing what would come next; knowing that I will be able to post at regular intervals from here on out. In short, it would be super easy for me to delay writing because I want to plan everything about how I am going to write now and in the near future.

I think planning is a good idea, and I would love for this blog to be more streamlined or focused or goal-driven at some point. I would love to make sure I knew all the topics I had covered and that I would address a list of others. But planning is an activity distinct from the actual writing here. It is not always the easiest task for me, and more importantly, it is something that could totally stop me dead in my tracks. I think it is a relative of perfectionism: I can't say anything until I know that it is the thing I wanted to say at the time I wanted to say it on the blog. It may also be antithetical to the blog platform. Sometimes blogs work because they are spontaneous and conversational, rather than well-rehearsed and edited. Yet more to the point is that it is easy to stop ourselves from getting into motion by thinking about whether it is the right way to move.

I guess that's my own version of "just do it." It isn't about willpower and going for it in the sense it might be for others, where it is about pushing oneself forward, keeping all eyes on the destination. For me it is, as always (or usually), about letting go of thinking about the process and the destination, and starting to type.

6 Ways To Quiet Your Hyper Mind - Long Version

A while ago I posted on "6 Ways to Quiet Your Hyper Mind." I got some feedback looking for a longer version so get it here!

Of course I never share email addresses or info with anyone for any reason in this context.

Winding Down

1. Any day now, or at least within the next few weeks, I'm going to have a baby. As I've mentioned before, my ADHD seems to be getting worse right here at the end of pregnancy- or at any rate, I'm more forgetful and spacier, which I think many women are late in pregnancy anyway. So when I'm not too exhausted and I have time to work, I'm trying to figure out how to wind down my work and at the same time tie up loose ends. Now and then I remember what I've said here myself: leave myself a trail of breadcrumbs to come back to- both for now and for when I start working again after my break. Then I remember I have something like a list, and so forth. The thing is, the list was about stuff I wanted to do while pregnant. Now it's time to make a shift; what do I want to do so it's ready for me after I have the baby!

That might sound like a simple or obvious shift, but it took a while of thinking through the things I had wanted to get done to realize where I am in this whole pregnancy thing, and what that actually means for getting things done. It's silly to think about big projects that I want to get done at this point, because I could reasonably be in the hospital in a few hours OR in a few weeks. So whatever I get done at this point is gravy.

On the other hand, whether it's now, or in a few weeks, I can get ready for returning from the trip- because really this is the same thing I would do if I were about to go on vacation or take a trip somewhere. And then I can use the same list, or trail of breadcrumbs, until I actually stop working.

I came up with some categories for myself:

1. The most important things

2. The would-like-to things

3. The delegate (to a virtual assistant) things

4. The plan-a-date/arrangement-for things

The last category include programs or classes I want to start up in the new year (or restart), like the Declutter Action Group, Teleseminars, Group Coaching.

The first category would include making sure I'm in touch with people. Which includes projects like updating my website- which has a bunch of steps in category #3. 

Category #2? A bunch of my own organizing projects that I'd like to do as soon as I am a little less forgetful! And those are great things to use to restart working- as long as I have some other work going on too!

So that's the framework for my trail of breadcrumbs. Now I have stuff to do while I'm waiting for baby: filling in the details of that list, and putting the list somewhere I'll find it, or with someone who will know where it is.

It's a little different from most breaks or trips I take because then I might write a list and notes to myself about projects I was working on and where I left them, including what the next steps would be. In this case I haven't invested myself in a lot of big projects because my focus while pregnant was my clients and continuing work. And I know I'll remember who and what those are!

What kind of breadcrumbs do you need to leave for yourself?

Errands or Guests? how not to decide anything.

From the last post:

When my thinking hijacks my experience, I don't buy into it. I notice it, step back from it as best I can, consider myself hijacked if I can't get out of it and down to earth, and wait it out. I like to think I experience the whole thing less nowadays as a result, but that when it springs up, it doesn't feel like a comment on my identity, nor some dialog I need to be obsessively involved in.

That's good because the hijacking has happened recently. Another thing that is different is that I can pinpoint- or guess- physical causes, which helps me minimize the importance of the mental crap. In this case it's easy. I'm very pregnant, so I've got hormones, hormonal idiocy, and extreme fatigue going on. It is interesting to watch how my cognitive functioning fluctuates through the whole process I should say.

Lately I'm foggier than I was earlier in pregnancy, and I've also been having moments where I can't make up my mind. Should I do an errand with my kid or invite people over? Which is easier? And then I start imagining each one, going to Target in my mind's eye like some athlete visualizing a race, in a very dead-ended way because it doesn't help with anything.

Luckily that doesn't tie me up for hours most of the time that that happens (which is increasingly rare). I don't have to sit for hours grappling with this mind-bendingly important decision (sarcasm, I hope you realize.) Even if it keeps going on in my head... I don't buy that it matters. I look for a way out, some way of deciding, because obviously my decider is currently offline, like getting someone else to decide (if they wanna come visit or meet up somewhere, I let that decide for me. or I can tell them I can't decide as long as they don't try to reason it out with me!

If that doesn't work, I can just let it go. Sometimes, anyway, which is better than before. I can switch on the tv. Or just decide that obviously my switchboard went to Tahiti and I'm staying home. And find something to occupy me other than arguing with myself.

Transitioning Back Part 2.

In my last post I said that it's easier to let go of trying to think my way back because I know now that

I will find my way back to what's important. I don't need to think my way there.

How do I know this? What changed? That's a question a lot of people I talk to (including my coaching clients) want to know about, because it's hard to believe that it will change when you are stuck feeling like you have to lasso yourself onto all of your ideas.

One thing I mentioned last week bears repeating: I am not (nor are you) the sum of my ideas. That makes it ok to lose track of my ideas.
I think that's actually the base of what's changed, because it's now okay to see myself as something other than my ideas. I think this is particularly hard if, in addition to the hyperthinky tendencies, like me, you grew up in an intellectual culture, so give yourself some slack if that's true (or if it's not!). It's also okay not to reflect on who I am or what I am very often.

That's one of those funny-to-hear-from-a-coach statements; aren't life coaches supposed to ask you to focus on what's at your core and all that good stuff? Perhaps, but for me I've really shifted to whatever works as a way of getting further. Point being, that type of contemplation often backfires if you're somebody who quickly sees every idea from every possible angle. Sometimes it works better not to worry too much, not to deal in, that discussion with oneself, even if it is useful to know what's important to you.

I guess I started by feeling that it's important to be at peace with myself. It's important to feel well. It's important to DO and not just think.

And now I'm not sure I've answered my own question: what's changed? Here's another brief attempt:

When my thinking hijacks my experience, I don't buy into it. I notice it, step back from it as best I can, consider myself hijacked if I can't get out of it and down to earth, and wait it out. I like to think I experience the whole thing less nowadays as a result, but that when it springs up, it doesn't feel like a comment on my identity, nor some dialog I need to be obsessively involved in.

6 Ways to Deal With a Slow Mind

Crap! My ADHD just hit me like a brick.

I've been relatively lucky so far during this pregnancy- my ADHD symptoms have been limited. (This is something a lot of women with ADHD seem to report, that their ADHD  isn't as bad when they are pregnant.) But today I am experiencing what I remember from pre-pregnancy days. My "planning brain" is slow or non-existent. I'm kind of sluggish in the thinking and the mood.  Maybe it's a good time to revisit some of the things that help on slow-brained days:

1. Notice your mental state.
2. Plan to suit #1. (I'm slow so I can't expect my mind to jump from project to project fluidly).
3. Use rituals (like a cup of tea) to set the stage for planning.
4. Lower your expectations. (Plan only a few things.)
5. Write a few things down that you want to do today (Even if it's hard to get up and a get a pen, or even open the self-addressed email.)
6. Check your list and see if it's realistic. You can't do the same things when your planning brain is on vacation, so pick the right tasks.

I'm off to make a cup of tea.

I'll take it.

Yesterday my husband was getting ready for a work trip. It's rare that he is home with me while our son is elsewhere, but it was a work day for me so the tot was at daycare, hence a rare opportunity for a few quality alone-time moments. Alas, my husband was a bit hyped up, following up on quote requests before leaving the office behind; packing; looking up baggage fees for the airline; finishing some work on a fence he's building; and so on. So when he couldn't sit with me and chat for a few minutes we had this conversation:
Him: I'm sorry. It's just that my mind is racing in a thousand directions right now.
Me:  Oh. Yeah. I kinda feel like that on a daily basis.
Him: I know.

So I realize, he may not get all kinds of girl stuff, like needing to be "understood" or "heard" or  wanting to be hugged RIGHT NOW. But apparently, he gets a fundamental chunk of what it's like to be me. I'll take it.

6 Ways to Quiet Your Hyper Mind

A lot of people talk to me about how their minds are flooded with fast thinking, and then want to know how to make it all just chill out up there. It's just tiring and there's too much going on. Here are some ideas:

1. Occupy your mind intensely.

2. Change your physical state.

3. Check in on your physical, mental, emotional states, and take care of them.

4. Drown out some of it.

5. Identify what's going on: your mind is a speeding flood of thoughts.

6. Watch the flood of thoughts like it is a river you're standing next to.

I'll elaborate in future posts. In the meantime, try these out. But don't worry or judge if they don't work; different things work at different times for different people.

CNN.com article: "Why Can't I Concentrate?"

I love that this article about women and adhd made it into the  mainstream (cnn) press. It has some good things to offer, and a few things lacking that I'd like to point out.

Good:
"When adult ADD (or ADHD: the H is for hyperactivity) goes untreated for years, women may end up plagued by anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem."

I'd add:
A lot of women seem to end up being treated for anxiety and/or depression when their ADHD goes undiagnosed. (I used the terms ADD and ADHD interchangeably.)

Good:

"Because women are less likely than men to be classically hyperactive, their symptoms can be more subtle and easily missed. For instance, a woman with ADD may come off as chatty, peppy, or extroverted, or even as a dreamy, artistic soul."

I'd add:

Many women with ADHD lack the symptoms of hyperactivity and/or impulsivity. (There are different types of ADHD- predominantly hyperactive, combined, and predominantly inattentive.) So these womens' symptoms aren't always apparent to others at all because they aren't disruptive.

Good:

"Hormonal changes can exacerbate the effects of ADD, too. When a woman enters perimenopause, she may be even more likely to forget names or key bits of information."

I'd add:

Hormonal changes within the menstrual cycle can exacerbate effects of ADD. You don't have to wait until (peri)menopause to have hormones affect ADHD. In fact, it seems that many girls symptoms really start to show up along with hormonal changes at puberty. Many women have symptoms fluctuate at certain points during each menstrual cycle.

In summary:

Decent, basic article. Glad to see this information out there. Inattentive folks, you're vaguely represented here. Women with PMS and ADHD are a bit neglected here. It's a good start. The stories towards the end are worth reading. It's great that people are talking about women with ADHD.

"High IQ Is No Help for Those With ADHD...

..."researchers find." Link is here, and really the biggest thing I want to say about this, is thank goodness. Thank goodness that researchers are bothering to find out this fact, which may seem obvious to some of us. The fact they are finding is not so much that high IQ doesn't "help" but that high IQ doesn't mean someone doesn't have ADHD.

I sometimes find it surprising that we have to be told this. Maybe that's because in my training as an ADHD coach, at some point I learned that one characteristic of ADHD can be a mismatch between achievement and potential for achievement, where IQ might be one measure of such potential.

I have been personally fortunate never to have anyone tell me that I couldn't possibly have ADHD because I was too smart, or had gotten through too much school, despite having made it through a Master's degree, and through some doctoral research, before even knowing what ADHD is. But I have gotten to know people who have, including some of my clients. This has included the particularly nasty cases where a previous diagnosis was dismissed simply because of some success in academics.

I think this notion that IQ or book smarts or whatnot could exclude ADHD is particularly insidious for people who also don't have the obvious target written all over their faces of obvious hyperactivity. The same holds for other with very quiet disabilities (such as learning disabilities). If you are one of these people, take heart that not everyone writes off your struggle. Luckily, there are people, including doctors, who get it, or who even have ADHD themselves and are open about it. And three cheers for folks like those at Yale who use their credentials to make things easier for us.