thinkythink

On Reading

and not absorbing.

A client recently asked me if it is an ADHD thing to not absorb stuff while you're reading- in other words to read a whole bunch but then have to keep starting over because you realize you don't know what you just read.

YES this is totally an ADHD thing.

Here's the counterpart:  reading quickly, and absorbing easily, things that interest you right now, the shiny/new stuff as it were.

Typical ADHD thing: newly diagnosed or in process of diagnosis ADHD adult reads a dozen books on ADHD super quickly even though they don't seem to be able to get through books normally (that's hyperfocus, by the way).

Another typical ADHD thing: to find the bits you're interested in of a book, feel like you got the gist of it, and then lose interest, lose focus and then it just sits around.

Classic self-critical thing: to then get down on yourself for "never finishing" a book or "reading a bunch of books at once."

Coach's request/challenge: Accept that this is how you read. Graze to get the bits you want- or really- hunt for the meat you want. It's ok to leave the rest.

Harder challenge: Give yourself permission to put aside books that don't catch your interest enough to pull you through them. Let go of the idea that you "should" finish books-- unless you need to for school/exam/etc (and then I could coach you through the process- that's still no excuse to just keep trying harder and harder and getting upset about it!)

Believe in your own hunter-like reading process. You ARE finding the juicy bits, and maybe you don't WANT the rest.

Look for formats/material that suit you. Try: essays. short stories. poetry. magazines. things you are interested in rather than things you think you should read or things you think you should be interested in.

My current state: sleep-deprived parent of two young children with very few minutes in a row to myself-- I don't really read much at all right now. I read some stuff online. I read science and news magazines with short articles. That's ok. It will change again.

(Not) Writing and Reading

I just got a book in the mail from my friend Steve. It is a book about reading poetry, and I haven't read it yet, but when I looked at it I wondered if it would be like reading the long letters he used to write when we were in high school. He would tend to write to me about things he had read or music he was listening to, and have a fairly long analysis of them. Now that's one part of his career- literary criticism (he is also a poet).

I used to write equally long letters back. I don't know what was in them anymore, because I wrote those letters with a pen, so I don't have them in my Sent box or some such. But I started to wonder - and wonder if he wondered- how his long letters segued neatly into his life's work, and mine clearly did not.

I wrote poetry and essays as a teenager, and seemingly endless volumes in journal form. And I read a lot. And at some point all of the writing turned in on myself; the journal writing didn't help me but instead expanded upon thoughts that were not comfortable to begin with. Perhaps my thoughts were about troubles, and certainly they were about trying to do things, imagining doing things, when I wasn't actually getting out of my head to do them.

At the same time, I stopped being able to read. I can read a lot and fast, if I  am interested in it. I don't even now what that means, really; I have to start reading something and see if it goes. Then I finish a book too fast and I'm sad it is gone. Otherwise, I read sentences over and over and forget what they say midstream. I don't know exactly when that started, though I know that by junior year of high school, I was doing poorly in classes where I had to read dry text books. I loved taking the essay test to get into AP US History, which seemed almost a perverse thing to love,  but then got taken out of it because I couldn't read the text.

At least now I understand I can't read under some circumstances, and I am not required to do so. Back then I would simply start panicking and feel horrible. Now I just put the book down. But now, I wonder what might have been if I knew what I know now; if I had teachers and family who could help engage me, knew to keep exercising and could take medication so I could read something I would love.

Exercise Balls replace Chairs at One Elementary School

I recently read that one elementary school has opted to replace regular chairs with exercise balls. It seems that the school has figured out what a lot of us already knew (especially those of us working from home): the active nature of sitting on the ball helps posture, gives us that added work in our bodies that helps us focus our minds.

I'm kind of amazed that this insight has made it this far. (Team it up with research that chewing gum helps learning and it's like a whole frontier of reality has opened up.)

While it's amazing to see people figuring out that kids are actually helping themselves by wiggling and chewing and the like, I myself am torn. While I work with people to figure out the strategies that help them focus best, I am quite sensitive to noise and motion around me. The right cocktail of background stimulation is great for me... but quiet, occasional noise pulls me off task and thought. And when a friend sits on an exercise ball while we're chatting, their mild background bouncing makes it impossible for me to focus on what they're saying. It can even make me feel queasy- especially when I see it in my peripheral vision like I would if it were the kid sitting next to me. If they were to sit without bouncing, that would be ok. The ironic thing is it is a friend with adult ADHD (with hyperactivity!) who is most likely to constantly bounce on the thing. How would I do in that classroom?

A Word On Not Finishing Reading That Book

Just a word about reading today, because SO many people with ADHD beat up on themselves about not reading a lot, or reading books from start to finish.

I find it intensely weird, but ever true that some things are so easy to read, and I fly through them, but others are like pulling fingernails out (and I still can't remember what I read) . I have come to believe that this is one of those things I have to have faith in; this is just the way things are. It isn't something you did or chose or tried to make happen that way. I think that's what we all get ourselves in a bind and worried about; we think we made it up, because it is so very odd, or that we made it happen, because it doesn't seem to make sense, or that we're just not trying hard enough to read. Reality is, trying harder to read doesn't make reading work any differently.
I'm ripping right through a book of short stories right now because I do like it, but even a fairly short article on something I'm not so into can be painful.

It's okay not to read everything. It doesn't make you a better person. It's just hard for some of us to read things that don't fascinate us. And we might get what we need out of it from just one chapter or a quick skim, because again, it seems to be how we're built. In that case, why bother wasting the agony on it?

Learning styles aren't just for kids.

I just found this post over at the about.com ADD blog. It gives a good summary of some basics about learning styles from Rory Stern. Here's my gut reaction/rant: why is this information framed as being about kids?

I know kids are the ones in school. But we all have learning styles and it gives a lot of leverage to understand them. Making it just about kids must push some button for me- I do know that a lot of clients learn a lot (as do I) when they think about what worked when they were students. So rather than go off about that- let me just recommend that anyone think about the way they learn. The post in question talks about auditory, visual, and kinesthetic learning styles. Do you learn by hearing, by seeing, or by doing/feeling physically?

But let me ask it a different way:
Which classes worked for you? Which didn't?
What aspects of those classes' material/teaching style worked or didn't?
When you studied, how did you study best?

And at that point I want you to drop the notion of having one style. The post does say these aren't the only learning styles... so let me broaden it for you. To be fair, this isn't just learning style, but also learning environment, but I think that's equally important.

For example, I read theory best while listening to loud music.
I listen best while doodling.

I learn well kinesthetically, like learning a dance step by doing it, but only in conjunction with reading about it or hearing it described several times. Showing me does nothing.

And not learning- but more a concentration style - I cook best while listening to good radio programs (NPR et al)

Now consider this: if you understand that YOU learn best in certain ways, you'll understand this in your kid, too.