thinkythink

Winding Down

1. Any day now, or at least within the next few weeks, I'm going to have a baby. As I've mentioned before, my ADHD seems to be getting worse right here at the end of pregnancy- or at any rate, I'm more forgetful and spacier, which I think many women are late in pregnancy anyway. So when I'm not too exhausted and I have time to work, I'm trying to figure out how to wind down my work and at the same time tie up loose ends. Now and then I remember what I've said here myself: leave myself a trail of breadcrumbs to come back to- both for now and for when I start working again after my break. Then I remember I have something like a list, and so forth. The thing is, the list was about stuff I wanted to do while pregnant. Now it's time to make a shift; what do I want to do so it's ready for me after I have the baby!

That might sound like a simple or obvious shift, but it took a while of thinking through the things I had wanted to get done to realize where I am in this whole pregnancy thing, and what that actually means for getting things done. It's silly to think about big projects that I want to get done at this point, because I could reasonably be in the hospital in a few hours OR in a few weeks. So whatever I get done at this point is gravy.

On the other hand, whether it's now, or in a few weeks, I can get ready for returning from the trip- because really this is the same thing I would do if I were about to go on vacation or take a trip somewhere. And then I can use the same list, or trail of breadcrumbs, until I actually stop working.

I came up with some categories for myself:

1. The most important things

2. The would-like-to things

3. The delegate (to a virtual assistant) things

4. The plan-a-date/arrangement-for things

The last category include programs or classes I want to start up in the new year (or restart), like the Declutter Action Group, Teleseminars, Group Coaching.

The first category would include making sure I'm in touch with people. Which includes projects like updating my website- which has a bunch of steps in category #3. 

Category #2? A bunch of my own organizing projects that I'd like to do as soon as I am a little less forgetful! And those are great things to use to restart working- as long as I have some other work going on too!

So that's the framework for my trail of breadcrumbs. Now I have stuff to do while I'm waiting for baby: filling in the details of that list, and putting the list somewhere I'll find it, or with someone who will know where it is.

It's a little different from most breaks or trips I take because then I might write a list and notes to myself about projects I was working on and where I left them, including what the next steps would be. In this case I haven't invested myself in a lot of big projects because my focus while pregnant was my clients and continuing work. And I know I'll remember who and what those are!

What kind of breadcrumbs do you need to leave for yourself?

Getting Things Done/ Flexible Structure

I recently received a comment form a post I wrote last year, called "Must Always Be So Flexible...". npnn writes:

"Thanks for the post.  I have the same issues with structure.  In many ways they work well for me, but I have a hell of a time sticking to them.

Are you familiar with David Allen's book Getting Things Done?  If so, I'd be interested in your reaction.  It's a productivity book, not an ADHD book, but a lot of the themes of your post (flexible structure, dealing with varying levels of energy, on-the-spot decision making) are things he talks about at length.  And he argues that his method is the best way to deal with them.

I use a GTD approach myself and it's been incredibly useful.  **That said** it doesn't solve my issues with structure.  It itself is a structure and it can hard to stick to.  But when I do it makes flexibly deciding what to do based on my current context and energy level a lot easier."

First of all, thanks for the comments. I love comments everyone! (I'm assuming they are well-considered and not mean!) This might be a boring response if you know me, but here it is. I think that GTD is useful for some people. For others it has some of the pitfalls that I think of as classic in ADHD-land particularly..

• we get excited about the novelty of the approach
• we get excited about "solving everything" with a given system
• we implement all of it at once
• we can't keep implementing all of it, without help, anyways
• we get bored of it after a while
• we get overwhelmed by the amount of structure involved

But maybe that's the cynical side. Because many people I know, coaches and organizers including this organizer I collaborate with sometimes, (we team up and coach and organize with the same client) use GTD with clients and for themselves. Others use elements of it. I guess as with Flylady, which I talked about recently, I would urge people to look at which elements are useful to you, and take them on bit by bit. Don't turn your back on things that are already working for you because you're so caught up in a new shiny system! Don't take on so many changes that you lose sight of what you know about yourself and how you work!

Getting Things Done is worth reading, keeping all that in mind. Here are some good points:

• It can give you some good ideas, and food for thought, about the flow of information and paper in your life
• It offers some useful procedures for dealing with that information and paper, which you can integrate into your way of doing things (a bunch of different way of going through papers, filing papers, clearing your desk, etc)
• It offers some ways of thinking about what you do with your stuff
• It works this into some ideas about thinking strategically about what you can do with different pockets of time that you have

Systems: Planning on Paper

Over at Productivity 501, I just read a post about why you should use paper to do your planning, instead of, or before, working on the computer.

If you've been reading my blog, you probably have figured out part of my response: some things work for some people, other things work for other people. At which point, I want to encourage people to think about whether planning on a piece of paper would work better for you.

I use a few different systems for my own planning. I write myself e-mails with lists of ideas to work on, and reminders for myself for the next day (or next few hours). I have a paper calendar, but I have used a pda in the past; both work depending on my situation.

When I used to use Outlook or another calendar program, I would in fact often print out the current and coming week, and sit and look at it. That would help me plan. I could write in blocks I would like to do certain kinds of projects, and notes to myself. I often recommend that people use paper printouts, or big wall calendars, to look at what I call the "shape of time."

When I sit down to work, if I have more than a couple of things (or sometimes just a couple of things) I want to get done that day or look at that day, I tend to write it on paper as well, sometimes a scrap with a list written large with a fat marker. The process does help me think, and help me get clear. It does feel like it uses a different way of thinking or a different part of my mind than typing does. And I can put all the infinite distraction of the computer aside while I plan. I agree with the post that planning is a different kind of process and I like to give it that space. Even if it's only a few minutes. 

And all I want to do in this post is suggest that you think about it and possibly try it. We get so wrapped up in how "useful" computers are, or just get used to using them, that it's easy to forget that pen and paper sometimes just work better. Even if you type the list up afterwards.

What works for you?

Review: Flylady.net

There's a pretty powerful free online resource over at flylady.net that I hear recommended fairly often on forums and group coaching calls and the like. I wanted to check it out again because I'm always curious about solutions that work really well for some.  In my last post I talked about my general take on pre-fab systems. Now I'll get into this particular system.

Flylady is a website dedicated to helping people take care of their chores and their housekeeping. It does this by breaking down household tasks into small, often quick steps, and asking its users to tackle certain things daily (like wiping a counter-top or swishing the toilet brush in the toilet), or more often (like moving the laundry from one step to the next), and by working on different areas of the house on different weeks and days. There are some core strategies, like "shining your sink", where the idea is that if you get the sink not just cleared, but sparkly clean, it will motivate you. For good measure some self-care is thrown in, like reminders to get fully dressed in the morning, to drink enough water, and to exercise even if it is a small amount. 

The site includes background information about this system, as well as various supports, including free e-mails you can sign up for, as well as Twitter reminders. I had signed up for the e-mails several years ago to check it out, and did so again recently. The e-mails are one thing that could be overwhelming; it is 3pm as I write this and it looks like I've received 13 Flylady e-mails just today. I filter them into a folder to bypass my inbox so it doesn't clutter it up- though if you want to get reminders this might defeat the purpose. It also seems like a bunch of the simple reminders that I remember getting as e-mails a few years back now arrive as tweets, which might be better suited, if you have some way of receiving them throughout the day, just depending on the person.  Those are the quick reminders like "drink some water," or "What's for dinner?" (sometime mid-morning), or "Where's your laundry? In the washer getting smelly?" or "Where ever you are do a Hot Spot Fire Drill! 2 minutes!," i.e., get up and clean up the crap for 2 minutes, with instructions on the website. The current incarnation of the e-mails seem to be focused on bigger stuff, like areas to focus on each week, as well as testimonials, and advertising products sold on the site (some of which look pretty good, to be fair.)

For me, certain things about this system work, and certain things don't. The "shine your sink" idea actually does work for me, though I don't apply it as a ritual each morning / night as much as I use it if I am doing chores. Versions of it work, as well; when I am picking up around the whole house, it always helps me to make my bed first, even if I'm getting ready for company that won't be upstairs at all. It gives me the sense of a clear slate, I think, plus the fact that I actually can put, say, clean laundry on the bed and find it later.

The way chores are broken in down into quick steps can be really helpful, though I think there are some caveats. Here's where I'd say that for me personally, the way of thinking is useful if I apply it this way: WHEN I CAN, try a quick attack, a small step. If I try to keep up with the whole approach and do everything every day, well, that would be crazy for me. I think it would work really well for someone who doesn't have kids, or someone who is a stay-at-home mom or dad whose kids aren't the age of my toddler, say.  For me, a quick toilet touch-up sounds so simple, other than my son will either be flushing the toilet every 2 seconds as I go, throwing things in, doing something death-defying elsewhere, or throwing a tantrum that he can't play with the toilet. Similarly, unloading the dishwasher each morning would involve a toddler impaling himself with a knife, sitting in the dishwasher, etc. And I just don't use tv several times a day to allow me to do stuff like that. If I tried to do this stuff on his daycare days, when I work from home, I'd never get any work done. Finally, the end-of-the day kinds of steps, cleaning up before bed, that sort of thing, don't suit my wiring. Here's why: if I start doing dishes or picking up the floor too close to bedtime, I am too awake to fall asleep on time. I'd rather leave it a mess than be sleep-deprived. But especially for some people, the ideas about laying out clothes for the next day could work really well.

And I do apply some of those baby-size steps (I believe the site calls them "babysteps" in fact.) I always keep an eye on where the laundry is. Instead of trying to do at least a load every day, as the site recommends, I try to only start it when I know it will make it to the dryer soon after. I do my best to get it all the way to put back away as soon as possible, but again, I have to keep an eye on distraction from my actual work. I can strike a balance, say getting a couple loads done on days that I work from home, but not doing any other chores. So again, this is a matter of cherry-picking from the system those things that are useful to me. There are things I like and agree with, things I like and can't do at this point in my life, and things I disagree with. (A minor example: I like the strategy of getting fully dressed each morning, so you feel put together. I disagree with the idea of putting my shoes on in the house.) For my readers I would suggest that Flylady could be a great resource, if, and only if, you are able to check it out without a burden of perfectionism; without feeling like you have to do all of it, and without feeling like you have to agree with all of it. There are some great ideas if you can find (as always) the parts that work for you.

A Critical Eye for Adopting Systems and Tools

I want to post a review of a free online resource for keeping up with household stuff, but before I do that I want to talk about my take on what I'd call pre-fab systems. A lot of people (coaches, professional organizers, etc) have specific systems and tools they like to recommend or set up with clients. A lot of clients look for the one thing that will solve their organizational problems. I don't tend to recommend solve-everything approaches. My take is pretty generally that a given system might work for some and not for others, or part of it might work for you and part might not be appropriate. I think it is super important for people (especially those with ADHD) to look at the fit of a system or tool they read about or purchase critically, so that 

(a)they don't get swept away in awe of its novelty, putting loads of time into adopting

and using it, only to crash and burn when the daily effort and/or boredom outshine the newness of it

(b) they don't put a lot of effort and will into using something that is all wrong for them, and then beat themselves up for failing once again

Now that you've got a little background, I'll give you my review next time!

To Do Lists are Overrated.

This afternoon, we're starting our taxes in my house. Because some of my bookkeeping systems floundered in 2008, it got me thinking about various systems I've changed in the past 18 months or so.

I used to use MS Outlook for calendar, contacts, and a to do list. I synched it with a Palm device. This worked for me for years. But late in my pregnancy with my first-born pumpkin, said Palm device decided it was time for frequent non-functioning to set in. I didn't feel like hunting down a replacement then and there. And then I realized that after the wee one was born, I may not be able to follow my own rule for PDA use:
Do not depend on a PDA unless you back it up daily.

Now I realize this rule is somewhat outdated with iPhones and whatnot, or at least the backing up works differently. Point is that small portable devices crash, freeze, die, get lost, etc. And I synched mine with my computer, in my basement office, every day, but didn't really see that being high on my priority list when I was in the massive exhaustion, 18 diapers-a-day beginning of parenthood.

So I gave up the PDA lifestyle and bought myself a paper week-by-week calendar for 2008 at the drugstore for about $3.95. I was going to be taking some time off after the baby anyways, and wouldn't have that many appointments to note.

It worked just fine.

I still miss having a portable, complete list of addresses compiled in one place. I'll work that out.

I got myself a little bit nicer paper calendar for 2009 (this one I ordered online, and accidentally got one a size too small; as long as I use pencil for most appointments, it seems to be fine, too). If I did use something like an iPhone, I'd be happy to use Google Calendar, but this way I don't have to have computer or laptop access to make or check appointments.

I don't keep a to do list anymore.
I don't miss it. I don't forget a lot more than I used to. Outlook was a great place to put a "master to do list," i.e., a place to dump all the tasks stuck in my head so I didn't have to carry them around in my head, and so maybe I could look over them to think about how to use my time. That's actually one of the keys to why it's not a problem for me not to have one right now; my work life is compacted into taking care of clients, and very immediate related stuff, and one or two bonus tasks per week, because I work part-time. When I'm with my son, everything is very immediate and clear what I need to do.

I do write things down:

Occassionally I have written an email with then things I'm meaning to get done. It's not an ongoing thing like it used to be, though it is a list in a very simple place that I can find back. I haven't done that in quite a while quite honestly, though I have emailed some goals to work buddies to help focus my thoughts.

And I write "stubby to do lists." That's where you take a scrap (not too small) of paper and write down the three or so things you need to do right NOW in the next few hours, so you don't forget them when you get distracted. The the scrap can go away. Using a fat marker seems to work well. I think this is helpful because my working or short-term memory gets foggy. It works because I'm NOT trying to prioritize as I do these things, it's just a really short list to keep me on task rather than drifting into space.

So to be fair, I do use to do lists my own way. And I'm not recommending that YOU give them up...if they HELP you. I AM recommending that you use natural opportunities to slash and burn overly complicated systems that aren't necessarily helpful, and see what grows in their stead.

Disaster Preparedness

In an earlier post I said that when other people told me I worried too much I used to think they were right, and get, well, worried. And that now I get annoyed instead, which is an improvement. Nowadays I think about it in terms of how I work. As I said in that post, I know I do best when I have a conceptual framework. That means that I have a kind of mental scaffolding for understanding a situation; I know where to put my thoughts if that makes any sense. So when I think about "worry" and "overthinking," nowadays I think of it more in terms of disaster preparedness.

A couple of years ago, when avian flu was bigtime in the news, I had a bunch of conversations with people about preparing for epidemics / pandemics. Would I have the supplies to hunker down and stay safe? What does that involve? Same with Katrina, got us all thinking about what you would do if you had to evacuate suddenly. These are scary things to think about. I noticed that some people (like the one I live with) thinks that it's kind of overkill to be concerned, or to go through a checklist and buy supplies for these kinds of situations. It can be seen as just overactive worrying if you don't live in active earthquake/flood/fire area, for example. But for others of us, getting prepared is something productive and constructive to do with our concerns. It is a way of taking care of ourselves, not by letting anxiety rule us, but by getting our houses in order.

And once that's done, worry is free to subside. In fact for me, I don't even have to carry out a full preparedness plan; merely understanding what it involves and having a tangible sense of those steps allows me to feel more in charge. You could say that the preparedness information is my conceptual framework. If the proverbial -or actual- dam breaks, I'll be mentally ready; so in the meantime I don't have to be concerned, whether or not I'm thinking about it.

Having a "Where Do I Start?" Moment

I just recently hired a babysitter so I can get more work done. So now I have to remember how to get some work done! That's what I call a "Where Do I Start?" moment. Because one of the things that is so very special about my ADHD- and many of my clients- is that we first have to remember what we wanted to do, but more than that, we have to remember which system we were using to remember what to do. And then, every so often, we have to tweak our systems.

For the last few months, I suppose since my little one has become mobile, my work has been extremely focused: client calls. Take care of clients (check-in by email and Google chat; make sure they've scheduled and all that); write a blog post when I get a moment. Before Gabriel was crawling around like gangbusters, my husband could do work at home WHILE I did work at home. Then it changed; one of us could do work, and the other one had to pay full attention to the baby. Not just occasional or fleeting attention. We're fortunate that our child is really happy playing by himself as long as you're around him. We don't have to sit next to him and show him a toy or talk to him constantly, so for a few meager blocks of time each week, it worked fine to take turns taking care of him while we both got something done.

Now, Gabriel tries to eat the laptop if you use it in the same room with him. Then, he removes the power cord if it's plugged in and tries to eat that. Once you've hidden the cord, then he comes over when you least expect it- OK, not true, I always expect it- but when you're hoping to send a REALLY QUICK email and gets some typing practice in. He has sent off a bunch of emails for me prematurely, and possibly concluding abruptly in something like LKJHHkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk55555566. If you get and email like that from me, consider that to mean "Love, Gabriel."

Point being that our general system for Becca getting work done had to change, so we hired a babysitter who hangs out with him while I work.

And now I have a desk that I have the opportunity to clear for the first time in a very long time.
And I have the opportunity to make extra phone calls.
And work on my pretty darn old website and bring it into the late oughts.
And I can do a little bit of work aside from the individual client stuff.

But what did I want to do right now? This morning? That takes a slow kind of remembering. First, I start to remember that in the land of inattentive, my mind is slow to warm up when it comes to remembering where I was at. Then, as I start to remember the steps I was going to take, I also start to remember whether I'm working from a list. Then, start to think about how I want to start keeping these lists because there was no need for one when I had no time to work off of it!

This is also an ideal moment to update that particular system. I'm basically starting fresh and in fact, a lot about how I work has changed- both since I had a baby and since he started self-propelling. And, so, we're off and thinking about where to keep a list and what is useful to list; how to remember where the list is; and how to get myself shifted to work and started with work as seamlessly as possible even if I am a little sleepy.

Right now, I think I'll clear my desk a little tiny bit while I clear my head on this topic.

Time is a vacuum

We finally hired a babysitter to play with my son while I get some work done. I used to work while my husband was home, but we used to both get something done for those hours, and now one of us has to pay full attention to my son. Okay, so I've already talked about how children really push our flexibility; here I wanted to talk about how this new time felt.

Like a big gaping space. With nothing in it. Fresh new time that I haven't scheduled anything in yet feels like a vacuum. I'd take that to level of saying that it feels a little bit like I can't breathe; there's no air in there; because there is no structure yet. You know, for some of us it's hard to get anything done when we don't have a lot we have to do. Some people need their time jam-packed with commitments; I'm a bit more mid-level on this. I need some structure but not too much, so I can hear my own thoughts about what I need and want to do and take on, and listen to them. Without a little bit of scaffolding, the thoughts just turn into a big dust storm and I sit there rubbing my eyes, lost in it all.

I used to panic when I had this kind of open horizon. I'm more relaxed now. Here's how I turn the emptiness into usefulness:

1. Get the big huge rock rolling. It's hard to get into action from a standstill, so sometimes whatever tasks get me moving (physically or mentally) are where to start.
2. Start with little stuff. Stuff that feels like highly engaging busy-work can help me out. Yesterday that was working on tiny pieces of my website updates, like figuring out how to set up a "favicon."
   This gives me a sense of accomplishment, which is great for the happy/focused brain chemicals. It also gets me working, rather than thinking. It was something that felt fun and interesting but not too big yesterday. Other days it might be dumb paperwork like logging business receipts or filing papers; other days that's overwhelming at first. By the end of yesterday I felt all warmed up and ready to tackle that kind of thing.
3. Clean your desk. This isn't what I did yesterday, but it can work a charm. While doing it, it can help to keep reminding yourself that clean up is a real part of productivity. Clean up is part of work, and part of play, just like we teach our kids! It can be another great warm-up for other work, especially as it may involve getting your hands on items that remind you of projects or tasks you want to work on.
4. Listen to how you're feeling at the moment, and pick the right task. Trying to log receipts can be a spirit-killer one day, and an easy to-do-check-off the next. On the former day, don't do it unless you really have to; it isn't going to help get more done. (If you never have a good day for some task like that, get help doing it.)
5. Start to identify projects, tasks, and break them down- on paper if that helps.

I'm tempted to keep going, but then I'd be straying into other things. The point here is that when time is too open, it's time to get things moving, not time to dwell on the big picture and get stuck.

Holiday Time-markers

This morning I was planning to go out and buy Halloween decorations. I'm particularly partial to Halloween, only maybe partly because it's my birthday. It is also just a pleasant holiday. So the plan was to go get my son one of those plastic jack-o-lantern candy buckets that I never had, because now I have a son who I can give all those things I never had that cost less than $9.99, and to buy some festive cobwebs and ghosts and bats and the like, because it seems like fun!

I'm generally not so good at taking executive responsibility for things like holiday celebrations. I am good at putting together parts, or even managing the whole celebration, once I've got the plan in place and the decisions made with my partner in holiday joy. But maybe, just maybe, I want more in my holidays. Maybe I want to deck the house with All Hallows spookery.

Holidays are fun and warm and happy and idyllic and whatnot and whatever, but there's something more about them. They mark time, keep us grounded in where we are on the calendar, and they manage to do so in a pleasant way, assuming we stay in charge of how we celebrate.

This sounds obvious, but I hadn't really thought about it before, despite how I recommend that my clients hang a lot of wall calendars. I suggest picking out monthly calendars (I mean 1 page per month) that are interesting enough to bother looking at daily or even more often, to remember where we are in the year. Time is so abstract for people with ADHD, and particularly if you have spacey inattentive issues, you might just well forget what month it is, or season, or year, or anything like that, from moment to moment. Or you might remember in name, it's October, but forget where that is in the year or what it means. It is, after all, an arbitrary concept.

What I want to suggest is to make the calendar and all the impending holidays into something to organize around, not something to panic your way up to. I don't mean that you should do anything in particular to celebrate or not celebrate those holidays, though decorations and festivities may help make it fun; I do mean to suggest leveraging those holidays for joy, and a joyful experience of time.

So get out there and get some pumpkins. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving, Canada! I'm jealous yours has already arrived.