thinkythink

6 Ways to Quiet Your Hyper Mind

A lot of people talk to me about how their minds are flooded with fast thinking, and then want to know how to make it all just chill out up there. It's just tiring and there's too much going on. Here are some ideas:

1. Occupy your mind intensely.

2. Change your physical state.

3. Check in on your physical, mental, emotional states, and take care of them.

4. Drown out some of it.

5. Identify what's going on: your mind is a speeding flood of thoughts.

6. Watch the flood of thoughts like it is a river you're standing next to.

I'll elaborate in future posts. In the meantime, try these out. But don't worry or judge if they don't work; different things work at different times for different people.

Systems: Planning on Paper

Over at Productivity 501, I just read a post about why you should use paper to do your planning, instead of, or before, working on the computer.

If you've been reading my blog, you probably have figured out part of my response: some things work for some people, other things work for other people. At which point, I want to encourage people to think about whether planning on a piece of paper would work better for you.

I use a few different systems for my own planning. I write myself e-mails with lists of ideas to work on, and reminders for myself for the next day (or next few hours). I have a paper calendar, but I have used a pda in the past; both work depending on my situation.

When I used to use Outlook or another calendar program, I would in fact often print out the current and coming week, and sit and look at it. That would help me plan. I could write in blocks I would like to do certain kinds of projects, and notes to myself. I often recommend that people use paper printouts, or big wall calendars, to look at what I call the "shape of time."

When I sit down to work, if I have more than a couple of things (or sometimes just a couple of things) I want to get done that day or look at that day, I tend to write it on paper as well, sometimes a scrap with a list written large with a fat marker. The process does help me think, and help me get clear. It does feel like it uses a different way of thinking or a different part of my mind than typing does. And I can put all the infinite distraction of the computer aside while I plan. I agree with the post that planning is a different kind of process and I like to give it that space. Even if it's only a few minutes. 

And all I want to do in this post is suggest that you think about it and possibly try it. We get so wrapped up in how "useful" computers are, or just get used to using them, that it's easy to forget that pen and paper sometimes just work better. Even if you type the list up afterwards.

What works for you?

ipod for survival

By special request (Terry M.), more about how I use my iPod to survive. And before we even go there, let me point out that it doesn't need to be an ipod. Or even an mp3 player. You can use a portable cd player. They sell them pretty cheap even at some drugstores.

As I wrote about the other day, it can be super hard, or impossible, for me to concentrate with the wrong background noise.  The ipod is my buffer. It protects me from bombardment. When I'm out in public, or even in my house and there is noise from the neighbors, or staying with family and I can hear them from the bedroom, i need my own space. Noise when I am either trying to work, or trying to chill out, or collect myself, or reboot, is like someone hurling sharp objects at me. It hurts, physically. I can't filter it out (ADHD = lack of filters). I can't just kind of integrate it into the background. It is exhausting. And unlike what some people think about working, ie that you should have a quiet environment to work "without distraction," I need music to drown out distraction. That's important, since when I get distracted, it takes extra long for me to find my way back to focus.

At some point I gave up on listening to "good" music when I was listening for survival instead of artistic inspiration. Here's what I mean: I grew up in an intellectual culture, and have had a lot of friends who are artistic, musical, intellectual, and critical. I love having those people around me, and I love seeing what people can achieve. I love being introduced to new music and art and influences. But...when you assume that, for example, pop music is "bad" or "selling out" or "not interesting enough," you're limiting yourself in a different way. I had to learn to pick the right music to accomplish the right goal: to give me a buffer. To help me focus, or chill out, or regroup, or whatnot. If it's too interesting, that might distract me from what I'm doing- or might annoy me because there is too much to listen to. Awful as it sounds, my ipod helps me survive by creating a bit of personal "muzak." Not that I actually listen to muzak, though I occassionally appreciate Brian Eno's ambient music projects; but I'm creating that affect for myself. Throw out what is "good" or "creative." As is my coaching motto, go for what works.

Review: Flylady.net

There's a pretty powerful free online resource over at flylady.net that I hear recommended fairly often on forums and group coaching calls and the like. I wanted to check it out again because I'm always curious about solutions that work really well for some.  In my last post I talked about my general take on pre-fab systems. Now I'll get into this particular system.

Flylady is a website dedicated to helping people take care of their chores and their housekeeping. It does this by breaking down household tasks into small, often quick steps, and asking its users to tackle certain things daily (like wiping a counter-top or swishing the toilet brush in the toilet), or more often (like moving the laundry from one step to the next), and by working on different areas of the house on different weeks and days. There are some core strategies, like "shining your sink", where the idea is that if you get the sink not just cleared, but sparkly clean, it will motivate you. For good measure some self-care is thrown in, like reminders to get fully dressed in the morning, to drink enough water, and to exercise even if it is a small amount. 

The site includes background information about this system, as well as various supports, including free e-mails you can sign up for, as well as Twitter reminders. I had signed up for the e-mails several years ago to check it out, and did so again recently. The e-mails are one thing that could be overwhelming; it is 3pm as I write this and it looks like I've received 13 Flylady e-mails just today. I filter them into a folder to bypass my inbox so it doesn't clutter it up- though if you want to get reminders this might defeat the purpose. It also seems like a bunch of the simple reminders that I remember getting as e-mails a few years back now arrive as tweets, which might be better suited, if you have some way of receiving them throughout the day, just depending on the person.  Those are the quick reminders like "drink some water," or "What's for dinner?" (sometime mid-morning), or "Where's your laundry? In the washer getting smelly?" or "Where ever you are do a Hot Spot Fire Drill! 2 minutes!," i.e., get up and clean up the crap for 2 minutes, with instructions on the website. The current incarnation of the e-mails seem to be focused on bigger stuff, like areas to focus on each week, as well as testimonials, and advertising products sold on the site (some of which look pretty good, to be fair.)

For me, certain things about this system work, and certain things don't. The "shine your sink" idea actually does work for me, though I don't apply it as a ritual each morning / night as much as I use it if I am doing chores. Versions of it work, as well; when I am picking up around the whole house, it always helps me to make my bed first, even if I'm getting ready for company that won't be upstairs at all. It gives me the sense of a clear slate, I think, plus the fact that I actually can put, say, clean laundry on the bed and find it later.

The way chores are broken in down into quick steps can be really helpful, though I think there are some caveats. Here's where I'd say that for me personally, the way of thinking is useful if I apply it this way: WHEN I CAN, try a quick attack, a small step. If I try to keep up with the whole approach and do everything every day, well, that would be crazy for me. I think it would work really well for someone who doesn't have kids, or someone who is a stay-at-home mom or dad whose kids aren't the age of my toddler, say.  For me, a quick toilet touch-up sounds so simple, other than my son will either be flushing the toilet every 2 seconds as I go, throwing things in, doing something death-defying elsewhere, or throwing a tantrum that he can't play with the toilet. Similarly, unloading the dishwasher each morning would involve a toddler impaling himself with a knife, sitting in the dishwasher, etc. And I just don't use tv several times a day to allow me to do stuff like that. If I tried to do this stuff on his daycare days, when I work from home, I'd never get any work done. Finally, the end-of-the day kinds of steps, cleaning up before bed, that sort of thing, don't suit my wiring. Here's why: if I start doing dishes or picking up the floor too close to bedtime, I am too awake to fall asleep on time. I'd rather leave it a mess than be sleep-deprived. But especially for some people, the ideas about laying out clothes for the next day could work really well.

And I do apply some of those baby-size steps (I believe the site calls them "babysteps" in fact.) I always keep an eye on where the laundry is. Instead of trying to do at least a load every day, as the site recommends, I try to only start it when I know it will make it to the dryer soon after. I do my best to get it all the way to put back away as soon as possible, but again, I have to keep an eye on distraction from my actual work. I can strike a balance, say getting a couple loads done on days that I work from home, but not doing any other chores. So again, this is a matter of cherry-picking from the system those things that are useful to me. There are things I like and agree with, things I like and can't do at this point in my life, and things I disagree with. (A minor example: I like the strategy of getting fully dressed each morning, so you feel put together. I disagree with the idea of putting my shoes on in the house.) For my readers I would suggest that Flylady could be a great resource, if, and only if, you are able to check it out without a burden of perfectionism; without feeling like you have to do all of it, and without feeling like you have to agree with all of it. There are some great ideas if you can find (as always) the parts that work for you.

A Critical Eye for Adopting Systems and Tools

I want to post a review of a free online resource for keeping up with household stuff, but before I do that I want to talk about my take on what I'd call pre-fab systems. A lot of people (coaches, professional organizers, etc) have specific systems and tools they like to recommend or set up with clients. A lot of clients look for the one thing that will solve their organizational problems. I don't tend to recommend solve-everything approaches. My take is pretty generally that a given system might work for some and not for others, or part of it might work for you and part might not be appropriate. I think it is super important for people (especially those with ADHD) to look at the fit of a system or tool they read about or purchase critically, so that 

(a)they don't get swept away in awe of its novelty, putting loads of time into adopting

and using it, only to crash and burn when the daily effort and/or boredom outshine the newness of it

(b) they don't put a lot of effort and will into using something that is all wrong for them, and then beat themselves up for failing once again

Now that you've got a little background, I'll give you my review next time!

Getting back to the workout

I've been writing about exercise, and getting to it.
Now I'm trying to get back to it; baby was sick. Then there was that one workout I missed because my car was being towed. Car was sick. Then, I was sick. I'm nearly better, but not all better.
On Sunday my husband recommended I go to my track workout because I'd feel better read:I'd be nicer. No, he's not that insensitive, but it's true, I'm a better version of myself when I've exercised, usually. But I wasn't all better. I'm still not all better. My eye is still all puffy. Today was all about a sinus headache. Mostly, I'm better though. And it's pretty easy to feel torn.

The longer I wait, the harder it is to go back.
That doesn't mean it makes sense to make myself even sicker by going.

And the complicated self-talk looks like this: "you're just saying it's better to wait because you're trying to talk yourself out of going. Or trying to find a legitimate reason not to go."
Inattentive speedy self-talk is super tricky' the above is not actually true. I want to work out. The real question:

Would it be helpful to exercise now? Or would it be more helpful to rest?

and:

What kind of exercise would be helpful now? Would be possible right now?

when I'm not feeling great:

What will allow me to ease my way in?
How can I bite off as much as I can chew, and then check back in with myself?

Working out alone, this may mean committing to a little piece and then checking in.
In a group setting, it may mean doing part of the workout, or ignoring the assigned workout. I know I'd want to tell our coach that I've had some flu-like bug and I'm starting slow. Not so much for his benefit; but for mine- it not only lets me off the hook, but it sets up the expectation that I won't do too much.

All that said, I'm kind of hoping track practice gets rained out, because then I won't get more behind everyone else, while I can rest, or even take a walk and work my way back into it! If it doesn't, I think I'll go, do the conditioning exercises, and then take it super slow.

Mommy and Baby Self-Care Checklist

One of the great tips I got as a new parent was the why-is-he-crying list. In other words, when baby (particularly useful for a newborn, but later on as well) is wailing and you don't know what to do, systematically run down the list of things he might need or that might help. This list might look like this:

1. Check diaper
2. Feed.
3. Check skin temp. Too hot? Too cold? Just right?
4. Make sure clothing/diaper isn't rubbing/stuck/etc.
5. Provide movement, by carrying. Or in a sling. Or in a rocking chair. Or in a stroller. Et cetera.
   
6. Change stimulus level: put music on/turn it off
7. Try putting baby down, maybe he needs a little space (again, changing stimulus)
8. Remember to repeat. He may have wet his diaper after step 2, or gotten hungry.

This is just a sample, and it varies a bit by the baby. The funny thing to me is that a lot of adults, particularly those with ADHD, need basically the same list:

1. Go to the bathroom.
2. When did you last eat? Eat something, preferably with protein.
3. Drink some water
4. Is your clothing comfortable?
5. Change your physical state. Walk around or run around or dance around.
6. Put on some music/change the music/make it quiet/ brighter/dimmer.
   
7. Do something different from what you're doing, something more interesting for a little while.
8. Remember to repeat. Eating and peeing once a day isn't really often enough.

Off to change my diaper. I mean the baby's. I think.

Remember the Small Steps

Friday afternoon reminder: Remember the steps that seem itty bitty, because they may actually be big.

I've noticed that for a lot of fast and hyper thinkers, we jump over the little steps in our minds, when the little steps are really what is getting us stuck!
If you're a big time hyperthinker, when you're stuck you might start to think about the deeper motivations and reasons behind what you're trying to do and why you're getting stuck. Do I really want to get this job/make this change/find a new house/take this class?  Do I really want to sign up for this thing, if I can't get the registration in the mail? (Remember, this can apply to smaller to-dos as well.)

It's a funny thing to learn as a coach- it seems counter-intuitive- but I've learned from my experience and from some other wise people, that these big questions aren't always the right ones for the runaway thinkers (whether you have inattentive ADHD or you just think a lot.) Sometimes the big questions only serve to disconnect you more from what you're trying to get done.

Here are some questions that often do help:

#1 How are feeling physically, mentally, emotionally today and lately? Is low energy making it hard to take the steps you mean to? Remember: being mentally tired sometimes means you can keep thinking, but can't direct your attention as well.

#2 What are the steps involved? Have you broken down your project? Take the example of registering for a workshop or the like by mail. Where you may be jumping to thinking about your desire to do it, stop and look at the steps, including filling out a form, finding a stamp, finding your checkbook, finding out your bank balance, finding your calendar and checking for conflicts, asking that one last question... making a copy of the form, going to the post office...

#3 If you have defined the steps, which are getting you hung up? Again a tricky truth: regardless of your smarts and motivation and all that, going to the mailbox might be something that gets in your way. The insidious part about it is that you may not believe that this could be the obstacle- it's supposed to be easy, isn't it? (Not to mention how easy it seems to be to start dumping on yourself for having a hard time with this!) But believe me, I've worked with enough of us to know. I've seen people who are wealthy have their utilities shut off because they suck at getting checks in the mail.

#4 If you haven't defined the steps of either a small or large project, what help do you need in doing that? Are you making this harder than it need be?

#5 IF you're having trouble breaking it down, are you missing something fundamental? One thing people forget all the time is that the first phase of a project is often   research or other exploration. Do you have enough information?

#6 Have you actually made the decisions you need to in order to plan or to move on to the next step? Do you need more information- or is there something else you need to do before moving ahead? Is there a step missing, little or big, seemingly stupid or not? You might have the end in mind but you actually need to know the next piece...

Does this ring familiar, and what examples do you have from your life? Please comment!

Fear vs Confusion from a runaway mind perspective

Over at Escape From Cubicle Nation, Pam tells us,

I have a lot of conversations with clients that start out like this:

• "I really want to do something different than what I am doing now, but I just don't know what it is"
• "I have two job opportunities, and am totally unsure which one to take!"
• "I know that there are a lot of things wrong about working with this client, but I really don't know what I will do if I stop working with him."
• "I don't feel really happy  in this relationship, but I feel confused about what to do."
• "I really want to start a business, but I don't know if I have what it takes to be successful."

I have a lot of these conversations with clients too- but mine are a little different:

• "I think maybe I want to do something different but I want to do all these three million things and I don't want to pick the wrong one."
• "I am pursuing 10 job leads and I'm not sure which to follow up on so I haven't followed up on any because there are so many to follow up on and do I really want to change jobs?

Wait- you're thinking: that sounds really insecure! Here's the truth:

The inability to make a decision is NOT ALWAYS equivalent to a lack of confidence!

Sometimes it's a lack of Executive Functioning. Your brain's conductor/CEO/executive secretary is on vacation in Micronesia or otherwise unavailable to tell you what to think about.

But wait, what does this have to do with Fear vs Confusion?

It's this: some folks don't know if they're afraid because they don't even know what they're thinking about! The mind has generated so many stories, so many lines of thinking about a given dilemma that it's unclear what the dilemma is. I've had a lot of experience listening to clients' conversations with themselves, and here's what I have to say:

Tip #1: Identify the Ramble.
You can't stop the flood of ideas and reasoning by sheer will. But you can't navigate it unless you step back and realize what kind of thought landscape you're traveling: a flooding river of thought.
Tip #2: The reasons won't help.
The hyperactive thinker can be so ridiculously smart, that weighing the reasons to go one way or another is a trap. You might be great at arguing any point with yourself- but if you're a well-practiced analytical thinker, all it means is that your argumentation is good- not that it gives you an answer. The winner of the debate doesn't always give you the right answer for you!
Tip #3: Identify the Runaround.
Have you reasoned your way into something without even realizing you've done it? Did you forget about your initial impulse and instinct in the meantime? Do you even know why your thinking went down this path?
Tip #4 Identify the Signals- and Don't Sweat It if You Don't! You're looking for the quiet signs of what you're really feeling. What do you fear here? The signals will be quiet, but they are your guide. You might feel them in your muscles or hear them in your voice. If you can't hear them, don't sweat it. Just keep using Tips 1-3. This is where we go back to Pam. She has some pretty good tips for tuning in at her ezine article (which picks up on the blog post I quoted earlier), but I have to say it's hard when your mind is a vortex of thought, so I'll have to address this in a later post.

Unwork with Tools

I recently attending a teleclass with Andrea Lee and Suzanne Falter Barnes on the concept of "unwork." It's all about making things easier. That's what I aim to do with my clients- but it was a really good reminder of one of my key strategies.

I used to (many incarnations ago) work as a theatre technician (lighting, scenery, etc). I had a summer gig repairing lighting equipment and other inventory for the Fine Arts Center at UMASS Amherst. I had to learn everything as I went, but what I kept learning over and over and over again was this: the right tool makes for easy work.

It's kinda funny to think of in these days of the Leatherman, the multitool that seems to serve every purpose, you can even use it as a hammer. You can use it as a hammer. It takes a lot more force and coordination than an actual hammer. I guess that's what I figured out back then, too. When stripping wires to attach them to your lighting instrument, a tool for stripping wires is easier than using (a) a wire cutter, which is easy to cut too far with if you're clumsy like me, or (b) a pliers with that little sharp cutting bit on the inside, which is easy to cut too far with if you're clumsy like me.

To my pleasant surprise, Andrea had a similar example: you don't run down to the basement and find a power tool when you want to hang up a calendar. It's overkill. You can push the thumbtack or picture hook into the plaster with your thumb. Ok, unless you need to hang it on a concrete wall or in a stud. Then your thumb will start to hurt...

She was focusing on the overkill part: how can you do less?  In my life that's meant looking at when I can avoid new software or devices if paper is actually easier- but how I can easily choose new software if it does make it easier. That's one itty bitty example. Andrea focuses on less overkill. I focus on, um, killing the right thing with the right tool?

Are you using a  power drill instead of your thumb?
Or are you using a wrench instead of a pliers?
How about... Microsoft Outlook when a simple mail client would do?
Or, salivating over that uberfancy PocketPC you'll struggle figuring out how to use and update when the cheapest black and white Palm will work better- or even the paper calendar you've used?

On the other hand, fancy tools can radically change some people's lives in some ways:
A GPS in your car ain't overkill when maps aren't enough to get you there.

Bottom line: tools make things easier. If they're making it harder, it's time to get honest, and that's your unwork.

Self-test:
Do you really need that new gadget/software?
Is this more about the novelty of a new system, or the effectiveness of it?
Will it actually make things easier?  Is it a more appropriate tool, or just a fancier one?
Are you using overpowered systems that bog you down?
Are you psyched about a sexy new gadget- that really has too many features for you to wade through? Is there a simpler model that'll serve you better?
What system might be simpler? What might take less work?